. . . Tupperware Cities . . .

Thursday, June 29

 

Wow, I already posted today? Hmm. I tend to blog more when there is nothing going on in my life; therefore, you will be seeing many, many more posts in the upcoming days/weeks/months/years.

This morning I went down the USF campus in downtown St. Pete. It looks pretty much like any other university campus: green space, restricted parking, daunting buildings, drab administration building, and nice, built lawnkeepers. The smell of cut grass and the thought of being around lots of people again cheered me up a bit. That is, until I walked right into a spider web.

After I got the spider web off my arms I went back to watching the water on the bay. This is why I moved here, all else is secondary. Eyes on the prize.

This weekend I'm going to head to MOTE. Something like that should be enjoyable alone...every time I go to an aquarium I feel like I'm dragging people around.

Lynnette 8:09 AM

 

Turning in my application to the university today. I wonder what will happen when they reject me? A letter? Nothing?

My stomach is killing me. Stress, lack of good meals...it adds up. I have been forgetting to keep water at my desk. While I'll usually have at least 4 or 5 bottles of water a day while I'm at work, I just...haven't been lately, dunno why.

I think another mild depression is setting in...nice and slow. The Crowded House CDs came out, that's always a definite sign. Oh, that and I tend to just start crying at home when it's really, really fucking quiet. As in: you are all alone here, Lynnette. Nobody is coming to see you, nobody is coming home, nobody is coming to visit...alone.

Why does it bother me to be alone so much? I think my main issue is that I have yet to fill my free time. This Saturday I have tenative plans to get out of the house with a friend of mine, since my ex is moving that day. More than likely he'll bail on me, pussy out, and I'll spend the day alone. But never fear I have a backup plan: head to Bill Jackson's for dive class info and that shooting range on US 19. YES! I can do it!

Now I just need breakfast...

Lynnette 5:36 AM

Wednesday, June 28

 

It would be nice to be able to come home to a meal someday. Of course I would do my share of the home-cooking for that same someone, but shit, wouldn't it be nice?

Work is slowly killing me.

I have considered looking elsewhere in order to accomodate my school schedule this fall.. but who the fuck knows.

Lynnette 3:27 PM

 

...ever elusive sleep...

Fell asleep right after the Stonehenge scene in Spinal Tap, and woke up around 4:30 this morning, wondering to myself, "Why the fuck am I awake?"

Not being able to answer my own question I decided it was best just to get out of bed and make the most of my awake time. How, you may ask...I logged onto my game. I could have completed my university application or even sorted through my car insurance paperwork. But no, I chose to farm sungrass in the Hinterlands, which resulted in one death too many and I eventually gave up and logged off.

This Saturday I need to be out of the house. My ex is moving that day, complete with friends (I'm assuming) and a U-Haul. For obvious reasons I would prefer not to be here, however, herein lies the problem. Where do I go all day? Would be nice to spend the day with friends, but it's not turning out to be my day. My one close girlfriend is going to the zoo with one of her girlfriend's, some dweeb I know at work (this means you, Don) is leaving town, and my friend is sort of under lock and key it would seem. So it looks like I'll end up going to the movies all day. Maybe I'll go see all the movies I wanted to recently but never had the chance to: X-Men...Oh, I guess that's it.

Superman comes out this weekend, I could go see that.

Wow, is that all I really can come up with to do this weekend? Shit fuck all that noise. I'm going to that place on US 19 where the shooting range is and check out the deal with archery, lessons, etc. Maybe it's inexpensive, maybe I can try it that day. At any rate, this girl needs to try something new this weekend.

Lynnette 6:05 AM

Tuesday, June 27

 

8:09pm...do you know where your friends are?

So it's after 8pm, nobody is on WoW, which means they must be gay. Okay gay, or they're off doing "real life" things, imagine that!

So what do I chose to do? Slump on my bed and watch Spinal Tap. I'm hoping it'll help with my headache.

Car, car, my car troubles. Friend, friend, my friend troubles. Why are men such pansies sometimes? Sheesh. headachegoawayplease

My supervisor, (well she's not actually my direct superior but she likes to watch me a lot..) asked me if I wanted to be taken off as the lead of my project today because she said I had a lot of things going on at home right now. First of all, my personal life is none of your fucking business you nosy bitch. Secondly, you also helped perpetuate rumors about me at work, thirdly, my stress is entirely from THAT fucking job. Do not mention, as you do not have the right, my possible financial worries, and my relationships with people, or lack thereof I should say. These things are trivial, secondary to the root of my stress.

I know I am capable of far more than that job offers me. I am an abtract thinker, understand string theory, yet I get paid to answer a fucking phone and push papers all day? How does this happen, folks? I ASK YOU! Oh, wait I remember: I moved and now I'm at the bottom rung once again.

I wish I could find somewhere to make roots, somewhere that would make sense for me. And this some "where" doesn't necessarily need to be a location, it could be a state of mind, a feeling, a situation. I lack these types of roots it would seem. Outwardly (okay don't laugh here) I appear to be a fairly stable type of person, while inside I'm wondering what my next move is...constantly. I have a hard time slowing down, and have tried desperately to learn HOW to slow down: meditation, yoga, music, tai chi...I think I'm going about this the wrong way. So I have a new plan: archery.

I'm going to take archery lessons. Yes, I have decided.

Lynnette 7:14 PM

Monday, June 26

 

Lovely. I hate blogger right now. Just deleted my post before I could publish. GRRR!

To recap:

Had migrane today, left work early.

Work friend is leaving her husband after 15 years, needs my help. I guess I help her.

Taking a break from WoW tonight...someone is being a bitch.

Lynnette 8:37 PM

 

I'm so very desperately bored at work, jesus fucking christ! Well, now my break is over. C'est la vie.

Lynnette 9:53 AM

 

I'm so fucking bored at work.

Lynnette 9:49 AM

 

I'm bored.

Lynnette 9:48 AM

Sunday, June 25

 

It's weird being home alone, without anyone to call on the phone to come over. Or to chat. Or to see. Or to walk around with on Pinellas trail in the dark. Or to just drive around aimless with. Or to text "night". Or to invite over to make out. Or to hold hands with. Oh this saddens me. Alas, shit happens, life goes on, blah blah.

Hm. This is going to take some getting used to.

At least I finally have my horse on World of Warcraft. *sigh* What a relief.

Lynnette 10:00 PM

Saturday, June 24

 

I was able to get all the Beatles CDs in the split. I lost some Smog albums that I'll have to buy back, but I did walk away with everything Pavement and Pavement-related (of course).

Shit I'm tired. Today sort of shit out this morning too early fizzled early on and then hit the death rattle around 9pm. Ex came home drunk, again. Such is life in my house right now.

Lynnette 11:47 PM

Friday, June 23

 

I may have to split up CDs with my ex tonight. This will require me to put on clothes and come out of the bedroom. The fact that I may have to do this means that I'm already starting to be in a fowl mood.

Fowl? What the fuck! Fowl? F-O-U-L mood, is what I meant. I'm becoming more stupid with each day.

So, I have requested alcohol to be present at this, one of many, divorce "parties" he and I have to keep hosting for one another. It's so much fun I love it! *insert sarcasm for those you who are clueless*

Hm. Also got a call from a friend about his home insurance. I was able to use my work knowledge to help out a friend...sort of. Makes me wonder if I should get the next license at work; they'll pay for it, and it'll make me more money...But I truly will not be working in insurance for the rest of my life, so.. is it fair to take advantage of the fact that they'll shell out hundreds upon hundreds of bucks for my classes?

I think it does.

Tomorrow, dinner date with some people.
Sunday, I'm going to try and go to church. Yes, really. I found one that sounds interesting...so look for an update that afternoon.

Also found out my friend is leaving her husband. I'm not surprised; they're miserable together. I would much rather be alone and be free to flirt and keep my friends near and dear than be in an unhappy situation like that one... ugh.

But I feel bad for her. She won't last alone, she won't survive alone. She never learned how to BE alone. It's something you have to learn early in life... otherwise it becomes very difficult to teach an old dog new tricks.

Lynnette 6:56 PM

Thursday, June 22

 

My evening

My World of Warcraft server is down. I guess I'll go to bed.

Hmm.

/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/masturbate
/check server
/check server
/check hotmail
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check hotmail
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/check server
/masturbate
/check server
/check server
/check server

Alright so I'm exaggerating; I only twirled the bean once.

Lynnette 8:24 PM

 

My ex-boyfriend is being a royal asshole. I know you read this Steve, but if you don’t like it, get your own blog and bitch about me.

Because of the coincidence of a friendship I recently developed my ex believes that I was convinced by someone else to break up with him. Uhm, no I wanted to break up with you for awhile now, I just recently had the courage to become single once again. If you don’t believe that, your loss; please continue living with your delusions.

Lynnette 7:51 AM

Wednesday, June 21

 

I despise soap operas. Well not the WWE soap operas, or Twin Peaks soap operas, or Deadwood soap operas, etc. I hate the ones that housewives watch during the day while they’re folding laundry. I know women do this because that’s what my mom did. Before I started school I remember distinctly being in the living room while my mom folded laundry, watching it rain through the picture window, while a soap was on tv.

At any rate all of the women at work discuss their latest soaps when we hit down time. Sometimes I’ll overhear bits and pieces and ask, “Who’s Mimi?”, to which someone replies “you know, the woman on All My Children?”

No, I’m thrilled to say that I do not.

I haven’t watched TV, other than Jeopardy in several months. Life is short and hard like a body building elf; I have no time for tv.

Lynnette 10:50 AM

Tuesday, June 20

 

What server are you on?

Lots of posting today it would appear.

Fell asleep after work, mostly because I was up at 3:30 am. Had stress dreams all night, and then woke up crying. THAT was awesome. WoW'd for awhile and then servers queerly shut down to prep for the patch. After work I fell asleep only to wakeup and find that it was late, and the patch was finally done.

Holy shit. Am I really blogging about WoW now? How did it come to this? How did this come to be my primary use of spare time in my life? Oh wait, I know. Cuz my ex's brother bought him WoW for xmas, kept bugging him to play and also finally bugged me. I started a character, naming it Fagatron as a joke because I thought the game was silly. Needless to say by the time I was reported I was already well involved in the game and had to change it to Lynnwood (my hometown; all my char's have names of cities for their handle). Well I solo'd until around 15-16 and then Ron at work saw the WoW strat guide at my desk. His eyes almost popped out of his head, and I remember him saying, "YOU play World of Warcraft? What server are you on?"

Whiplassh on Zuluhead was born to help Lynnwood level to endgame. Friendship was born, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah tears blah and now we're good friends. Fuck I'm tired. Why can't I sleep at night? Am I forgetting my vitamins? Should I start eating meat again? Today was the 9 month anniversary of the last time I had chicken.

Just found out this guy at work, Don, bought a house awhile back, and unfortunately we weren't really more than coworkers (even less than acquaintances, you could say) when he painted his new house in a galant attempt to make it into a "home". Aaah a home, I'm so green with envy of him. At any rate, the fucker painted his house without me and I should give him grief about it.

You see I have this weird obsession with filling things in, doodling circles and then wasting all the ink to fill in the spaces. Painting is sort of that way for me, and sometimes I still even get out crayons and color to relieve stress. It's not so normal for a 31 year old woman to lug around a box of Smith & Binneys so I tend to do this only at home these days. Come to think of it, I need to buy a new coloring book, maybe Pirates of the Carribean or something equally over-saturated in pop culture. Painting, yes painting. I own an easel, the nifty kind where the legs pop out and you can carry it around the streets of Paris painting young, foolish lovers (yet all lovers are foolish, no matter what your age, so... hm...), but I never use it. It's sitting in the second bedroom, in a corner, probably with my ex's tshirts covering it. I'm not a very good visual artist unless it's photography, and even then I miss my SLR. Digital is fun, but SLR had this click whirr that just got me going. It's a much more tactile form of art, you can feel what you've created, hold the negative, scratch it, fuck it up, rub it, clean it. Digital it easier, but less romantic.

Romantic. Is romance dead? I don't think so, I just think the older I become the more difficult it is to find what I want. It's ironic though because the older I DO become the more I'm realzing what I want in a partner. Sure I have friends who hardly date (or at least don't tell me they ever date, CANDICE!) and they're cool going along their merry way and being single. But me, I'm an overly social, people-needing kind of person. Sure in my younger days I was very co-dependent but I think a lot of that came out of my parents' divorce, etc. Product of a broken home, etc. etc. daddy drank blah blah. BLAH. So.

It's odd to think that what I want now is vastly different than what I wanted many moons ago. I used to think that I would find someone who was exactly like me, had all my same interests, etc. And now I'm realizing that maybe you shouldn't make plans like that, maybe you just bump into someone on the street and they ask for your number. Does that really happen? Who are these assholes who accidentally fall in love because their take-out order was mixed up and he hated mustard and she hated olives and BAM their world's collided and Fate joined them. Does that really happen? What the fuck?

I do not post well when I'm tired.

I need a lot of things right now:
*Someone to watch fireworks with (I had plans, and now those have been changed)
*New bras
*My school transcripts from the university
*A new way to build my confidence
*An amp for my moog
*Fucking clue, singular

My camera software won't work on my computer and I'm pissed. People want pictures and I can't deliver the goods. I was bored waiting for the patch to load so I took a bunch of self-portraits around my house.

Oh I can't wait to live alone again. It has been almost 5 years since I lived alone. All alone. It's a scary notion. I don't like to generally be alone. I used to, and I used to read a lot. I used to be able to watch all the foreign movies I wanted without people bitching at me, "What the fuck is the plot again? Who is that guy? The subtitles are giving me a headache.". etc, etc etc. And now I just play WoW.

This post is awful and boring and I can't believe ANYONE would read this far and still continue. So I'll post some really stupid shit to see if you guys really do read this blog.

I fall in love far too easily for my own good.

I lack self-confidence and for some reason don't believe people when they say I'm pretty. I still don't. But I have a friend who insists that I am. *shrug* I guess I'll have to take his word for it, since the actions have been silenced by a fetus.

I lost my virginity to a boy I met on a BBS. His name was Brian, and he was a sweetheart. But he lived in North Carolina. That was a fun month.

I don't understand why people like looking at pictures of newborns. They all look the same to me; either asleep, or ugly.

I sometimes feel myself spiraling out of control and feel like walking out of my job and just walking into the street in front of a car JUST to see what would happen. Would I lose my job? Would the car brake in time? Hmm. I'm not going to find out. But then I realize that if I left my job I would lose my car, my house, and one day find myself the subject of a shitty country ballad. Let's avoid that, shall we?

Shit. I'm quite sleepy, but know that if I lay down I'll just stare into the dark, and become more awake with each passing minute. I'd buy sleeping pills, but they never work.

What to do what to do. I could get on WoW. I'll probably just do that I suppose. What else would I do. I can sleep in, throw my hair up in the morning and dress like shit because I have nobody to impress but myself...but since I have sort of grown to like me, I should probably really try harder.

Can anyone donate gold to Lynnwood on the Zuluhead server? She needs a mount badly.

Fadeleaf. Clouds. It rained today, big gobs of rain falling from the sky. I love when it rains. I miss Seattle. It's probably my nostomania but I truly want to go back there someday. I see myself living there. But then again it could all change tomorrow when I win the lottery and move to Australia where I can dive the Great Barrier Reef every day. I'll fly my friends out, just the nice ones who don't ASK me for money, and then I'll give them money, pay off their debts...

I actually considered becoming a stripper recently, simply because I HEARD the money is good. However, I feel that I am past my prime, stripper-wise, and I don't think I could walk in stilletos. When I buy even inch-high heels I have to practice at home so I can move my ass the right way, and make it look graceful. I'm generally a very gangly tomboy type of gal, so walking in heels never came naturally to me.

Shit I'm tired. Tired. Tired. I wonder how long I can make this post.
Never mind, it's over.
'Night all.

Lynnette 9:19 PM

 

And so...
Today to cheer me up this woman I work with shows me a picture of her brother. She's adopted so of course they look nothing alike. It's a picture of him somewhere in Africa, while he was stationed in the military, wearing only his fatigue pants. Fucking great arms, beautiful back, nice sandy blonde hair, fucking hot. So she's telling me all about him: he's 34, just finished his Masters (nice!) and wears glasses when he studies.

So what's the catch? He's with an older woman he doesn't love, and is with her simply because he doesn't feel that he can find someone better. He settled, and now he's stuck. What is the fucking deal!! Is this phenomenon growing on the fucking trees in the South? Is it the humidity?

What is wrong with these men settling for women who don't deserve them?! GAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

There, now I feel much better. Jesus, with each passing year I become more and more jaded. That saddens me. I only want to be a happy person, all else is secondary.

Lynnette 11:55 AM

 

Ocean lover seeks Captain Ahab for deep emotional connection and great sex

How in the world is a nice, cute gal who plays World of Warcraft supposed to meet a nice, handsome man who also enjoys World of Warcraft when you have to be indoors and therefore anti-social to play said game. I ask you.

Here are some of the personal ads that I came up with. My friend Ron didn’t like any of them. :P

Future Marine Biologist seeks kind, honest man who knows what he wants in life and isn’t afraid to go after it.

SWF seeks SWM who enjoys WOW, KITH, JLG, and Marx Brothers. If you’re clueless after reading this ad please do not reply.

Looking for kind, honest man who likes travel, marine life and mutual oral sex.

Do you understand the genius of Harpo Marx? If so, please call now.

Ocean lover seeks Captain Ahab for deep emotional connection and great sex. (this is my favorite)

For some reason I don’t think any of these would work. AND if they did work it would backfire and I’d have freaks contacting me. C’est la vie. I’ll just look the old fashioned way. Although, I shall learn not to be fooled by married men who don’t wear their wedding rings.

Lynnette 10:12 AM

Monday, June 19

 

Shit. Well because of the situation I will be in within 11 days’ time I can now not afford to go on vacation with my mom to Seattle. The cost for my ticket from the Tampa Airport to SeaTac is nearly $500. Waaaaay too rich for the blood of a girl who is about to pay the entire rent on a house for the next 4 (and maybe more) months.

It just sucks. And even though I live in a beautifully sunny state, and I have a good job and my health and blah blah blah I still feel like breaking down and crying.

Lynnette 3:29 PM

 

I've decided that to stay in a positive mood, and keep chuggin' along I'm going to have to set some goals for myself this week.

First point of order: buy flowers for myself.
Second: Complete my USF application
Third: Order transcripts and have doctor complete immunization form and submit to USF
Fourth: Have lunch with Ron Wednesday without crying

Things are actually more fucked for him than they are for me. Shitty shitty. Sorry Ronnie, wish things were better for you.

Welcome to the working week.

Lynnette 6:30 AM

Friday, June 16

 

I am sitting on a conference call with Arbonne representatives. So dull. Nice ladies but it this kind of shit that I hate about being a woman. Yawn. Such a throwback to the 1950s housewife "i need something to fill my time while my husband is at work and the children are at school" excuse to socialize, blah blah.

Why didn't I just say no? Just 'no thanks' and I would be free to go out tonight with a friend of mine. I had to log off World of Warcraft. Lame!!!!!!!

*sleeps through conference call*

Lynnette 8:10 PM

Sunday, June 11

 

Your credit score is WHAT?!?!

Yesterday I bought a car from my friend Ron's dad who works at a local dealership. My plan was to go with him to see a few cars, look around and price things. Throughout the last week or two I have been figuring how much I an afford to spend on a car, insurance, etc.

Well, it turns out there was a car on the lot that had been there for over 60 days and now they were required to get rid of it; lot policy, you see. It was marked WAAAY down, like 6K bucks lower, and well.. it just fit the bill. When we took it for a test drive I kept thinking to myself, "this car is too nice for me, it's just too nice for me". Ron insisted that it was time that I bought something nice for myself that was dependable, and that it wasn't to nice for me; I deserved it. It was affordable, but I was worried about my credit.

I had issues in the past with late payments, insane credit card debt, all of which is in my past but I still feared having that blemish on my credit report. Well I'll be a monkey's uncle if Ron's dad came back and said "Your credit is good." I said, "So how bad is that?" He flipped the report over and my jaw dropped: 757! What the hell! Needless to say we were all quite surprised, and I was very proud.

So today, my credit score dropped a bit, but now I have a new car. New to me, at least. Beautiful, clean, relible, safe car with a trunk the size of my kitchen.

And now, the day from hell (read: laundry and chores) begins...

Lynnette 7:42 AM

Friday, June 9

 

Days gone by...

This morning I was sitting at work daydreaming, as I usually do between nasty callers, paperwork and WoW forums. I thought back to when I was in elementary school and someone would get called into the principal's office and everyone in the class would chime in with a big "Ooooooooooooooooooooo!!" I miss that moment of collective enjoyment at another's expense.

Another one I miss is clapping when someone dropped their tray in the lunch room in junior high. I became to paranoid about dropping my tray and being the laughing stock of the lunch room that I constantly asked my friends to take up my trays. Fortunately, I never dropped my tray in junior high. Unfortunately, the first day of high school someone did drop their tray, I clapped (along with all the other 10th graders), and was immediately pegged as the geeky newbie.

Lynnette 9:03 AM

Tuesday, June 6

 

Thirteen years ago today I graduated high school. I remembered not expecting my dad to show and when I saw him I burst into tears. We hardly spoke and weren't on the best of speaking terms even when we did. Harlan showing up meant a lot to me.

There were over 700 kids in my graduating class, so needless to say most of the bodies walking across the stage were unknown to me. A beach ball was tossed around, and someone I had a crush on a year or two before sat in front of me; oddly enough they had a crush on me now but I was no longer interested. I think I sat next to my friend (at the time) Suzie Garrison. But in all honesty, I don't really remember. All I remember for certain is seeing my dad smile and wave, and crying.

Lynnette 6:20 AM

Monday, June 5

 

So it’s only been about 2 weeks… (2 weeks, is that it?) but I’m already sleeping in the middle of the bed. Actually I’m sleeping in the middle, and the left side, which I normally don’t do. This sounds funny, but I want to be able to sleep on both sides of the bed. Sounds funny but what if I meet someone who sleeps on my side of the bed (which is the right). I would hate for that to be the “deal-breaker”. Odd, but then again, I’m an odd gal. I want to be versatile on what side of the bed I can sleep.

I may have a roommate in mind, but we’ll see. My friend Theresa at work wants to move closer to town (she lives in BFE right now and takes two fucking buses to work). I need a roomie, she wants to escape noisy neighbors, so it could be a nice match.

Lynnette 8:51 AM