. . . Tupperware Cities . . .

Friday, June 25

 

Magnetic Fields and Moving Day...

So today is our big move. Today we say goodbye to the concrete jungle downtown, away from the flying bullets and dark alley rapes. We also bid a fond farewell to hour-long commutes, and rush hour traffic, twice a day. We welcome with open arms the expanse of the lush, green, lake-filled yuppie land of Eden Prairie. Yes, as in "I live in Edina, oh, but it's more like Eden Prairie." That one. Instead of my apartment looking out over the Orpheum Theatre, we'll look out on a lake. However, I'm assuming this also brings a closer and more intense enjoyment of Minnesota's state bird, the mosquito. It's stressful to move, knowing that someday I will move again, probably out of this state. For now, the Prairie shall be our home; which is good because I already have my gang signs down. From now on a quick flash of my modified E.P. and all will cower in fear of the 402 Crew, transplanted to 952 with a 612 code. This makes sense to those it needs to. Mah bomb diggety CREW!! For nothing in this world is bomb diggety unless the Crew deems it so.

Last night we had our last hurrah downtown, by taking in the Magnetic Fields show at the Pantages Theatre. Opening was Andrew Bird, an artist I was not familiar with but with whom I immediately fell in love. The violin can be so magnificent when played beautifully yet so terrible when in the wrong hands. The Magnetic Fields' set was beautifully acoustic, very quiet and intimate. The theatre itself was awesome. Stephin had a slight cold, but worked though it just fine. As it was more of an 'off the cuff' performance, there were a few miscounts and restarts, but they did nothing but add to the charm of the songs.

So, here's to downtown Minneapolis and Stephin Merritt. Oi oi.

Lynnette 11:28 AM

Saturday, June 19

 

Back into the world

This week I nearly died. Okay, I didn't really but it sure as shit felt like it was all coming to a very quick end. Thursday and Friday I missed work therefore here I am at work on a Saturday to make up hours. Unfortunately, my two counterparts finished everything yesterday so now I'm fucked for tasks.

Neat.

Maybe I should go to the mall for awhile, let some work build up. Ebay is played out, and amazon is on hold until I move. I'm completely freaked about having packages forwarded to new addresses.

Yeah, back in the world. I can see I haven't missed much.

Lynnette 10:27 AM

Monday, June 14

 

The Schambers' halos are held up by invisible devil horns

This weekend was a helluva party. My step dad grew up in a town in rural South Dakota with a population of just over 500 mostly Czech descendants. Nowadays the town is home for a booming 1,317 souls. As is typical with many small town rural families they are a pious group, regularly attending the local Lutheran church. The only church. My boyfriend and I made a 5 hour drive from Minneapolis Saturday morning to help join in the celebration of my step grandma's 75th birthday. My step dad had 8 siblings so you can imagine how many aunts, uncles, and cousins were swarming the farmhouse. Everyone was milling around the house all day eating chizlick (if you haven't had it, you're missing out), and drinking pop, socializing and playing basketball. Later there was a impromptu party that made its way to Papa's, the bar down the road. The only bar, which (luckily for us) is owned by one of the aunts. I seem to remember the beer drinking commencing at some point after 9pm. Around midnight the older folks of the group couldn't take it anymore and went back to the house. The rest of us told dirty jokes, and drank pitcher upon pitcher of sweet, delicious, random brand shitty light beer. Passing on the beer was out of the question since it was free. You must understand something: my step dad's family is a very soft-spoken, honest kind family. So it wasn't far behind to conclude that they were conservative with regards to the weekends. Untrue, so very, very untrue. They broke into the back of the jukebox and pulled the control box out; from that point on we were able to listen to any song for free. There was a good solid hour of Tom Petty until we realized the songs were starting to cycle through once again. I'm not complaining, it was fabulous!! My stepbrother Chris and I somehow broke out singing the theme song to the show "Facts of Life", and I know years from now we will see as a brother-sister bonding moment. There was discussion of suicides (as one had happened recently in the family),

Finally at 2:30am the aunt kicked us out of the bar, but not before illegally selling us all off-sale beer to go. Back at the hotel (yes, there is one hotel off the highway) our clan stumbled, if only in an attempt to get our under-aged cousin totally shitfaced. We succeeded admirably. At 5:30am Steve and I finally fell asleep (read: passed out). At 10am the alarm went off and we were snapped swiftly into the hell that is the morning after the party. It was now time to drag ourselves to the Sunday brunch which was set up at the Papa's (which also serves as the town's only restaurant in the daylight hours). While I poked around my mashed potatoes and then ended up eating only a dinner roll with lots of water, Steve dove into the buffet, enjoying a sampling of small town Czech food, only to find himself heading straight for the bathroom 10 minutes later throwing up the entire meal. A 2 hour nap later we were back on the road to big, dirty, crowded Minneapolis. Home, sweet, home....for now.....

Lynnette 3:26 PM

Friday, June 11

 

These are a few of the things I wish was doing right now:

Sitting in my backyard of my home, with the smell of fresh cut grass wafting over me as I lay out by my pool. There would be a book next to me, a big, huge, expansive novel, (the likes of which I would never finish), and a large patio umbrella politely offering me shade. Steve is, of course, be driving around at any and all nearby garage sales looking for that nugget of eBay gold. My backyard is huge and the fence around the yard is covered in lilac bushes and vines, so not a single soul can see into my space. The sun is scorching on my skin, and nearly dries me off instantly when I climb out of the water. It is amazing. Today is my day off, I am a travel writer enjoying some time at home.

Or a novelist. I have just completed my latest novel, and then insert me into the above scenario. I want to be in the water, I want to be in the sun.

Or perhaps I'm walking around misty downtown Seattle's historic district having a nice, rich mocha. Wandering from shop to shop, looking at used books, the pier. Walking under fish being thrown back and forth from the dock to the market stands. It smells salty like ocean and I'm loving every minute of it.

Or I'm back in Reykjavik, standing in front of the Tjorn, the lake in the middle of town next to the Government building. Ducks are flying around me, and I'm on a bench, everyone must be working, or either very quiet. It's so peaceful. The air smells clean.

Or I'm in the middle of one the best bike runs I have ever made. I've covered nearly 20 miles, and the sweat I broke miles back has done nothing to impede my ride. It's sunny, but not hot, so I keep going, keep riding. Sure I might eat a few bugs, but what's a little dirt in my protein, eh?

Or I'm lying in bed with Steve, just hanging out.

Lynnette 2:23 PM

Monday, June 7

 

DREAM: High School....again

So I had this dream last night that I went back to high school. Not really completely BACK to high school, it was more of an amalgam of going back in time and returning to that time and a 10-year reunion. At first I felt very awkward, on the outside and ugly. It was how I felt sometimes in high school, in the great scheme of things. When I was around friends, or in my element of course I felt like I was riding a cloud, but wandering through those nasty, crowded halls I often felt out of place, and really didn't relate to most people at high school. At first we were in the auditorium at my school, watching a baseball game. Cal Ripkin, Jr. hit a home-run and I caught it bare handed; only when I looked at the baseball it was more like a billiard ball with one flat side to set it on. It was heavy, and made of glass, but dark, navy blue with a number on the flat side. Steve, my boyfriend, was at the baseball game with me.

Then the baseball game ended and I found myself in the hallway where the high school group appeared. There was a contest we had to compete in; me and a small group of people I remembered from school were to show off in a talent and trivia contest, set around a campfire. Everyone there was exactly as they had been ten years ago: the cheerleader was blonde and perky with a touch of baby fat still clinging to her bones, the student council president was as full of shit as he ever was (kind to you during voting week, ignoring you otherwise), and the rest of the losers, and bastards I attended classes with. Strangely, none of my friends were there, only people I wasn't particularly fond of while I was in school. We were all given a chance to get dressed however we wished. I had on jeans, a low-cut white v-neck shirt and a corduroy jacket. I remember looking in the mirror and fixing my bra, thinking: my tits look great! And they did. That's one thing I never had in school: tits. Now I was better looking and wiser. How could I lose?

Naturally I didn't. The pinnacle of my talent show performance was showing the geeks (who were the judges) who I really was, and then finishing off with a simple table-turning question: how many girls out there own their own RISK boards? I ask you...

In the end I was judged the winner, which came as no shock to me.


My real life experience with my ten year reunion came a year early at my stepbrother's wedding. Chris and I have been in school together since the 7th grade. When we were in the 11th grade out parents were married (which made for a long, drawn out story later on in life). At his wedding were most of his friends from school, also my former schoolmates. I'm sure I've written about it before on this blog, but it's weird to have high school dreams. I'm so much more than that now.

Lynnette 11:23 AM

 

Weight: I dunno
Alcoholic units: zero
Chiropractic adjustments: one very fabulous one

So I went to the chiropractor for the first time in nearly a year and a half. It was amazing. It began with the usual crick-crack paddy-whack let's fix Nettie's back and then ended with a nice back massage. Killer!

The rest of my weekend was nice; relaxing and nice. Although I'm getting that summer itch. You know that itch you had as a kid when school let out and you tried to fit as much outside time into your day as possible. Mondays you planned on sucking up to the neighbor kid (whom you hated) in order to play her in pool. Tuesday nights it was over to the chubby neighbor kids' house for ice cream and popsicles. Wednesdays you'd lay outdoors enjoying the sun. Thursday began early with a game of hide-and-seek on bicycles throughout the neighborhood. Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays... they all sort of blended together after that first week of critical planning. It was heavenly. No plans. No bills. No job.

Of course there was also personal transportation, no sex, no alcohol and no luxury items.

Lynnette 9:00 AM

Thursday, June 3

 

random emails today. can you tell i don't wanna work....


candice: MM came in AGAIN!!!

me: maybe MM and boogety should hook up and have a threesome with crybaby..

candice: i want to stage a battle bot tag team war between the twins and boogety and cry baby. who do you think would win?

me: I think the female twin would win. Let me tell you why. She would expend the least amount of energy with her little pathetic, skinny, weakling body. She would start telling stories of when she worked in outside and of all her many adventures and all the cats she had, and would bore the rest of them to tears! she would win by sheer endurance.

candice: dude I dont know the thing is cry baby has that same advantage his sloth like movement will help him store energy as well.

Lynnette 9:27 AM

 

Neat!

My mom and my uncle (not really my uncle, more of a family friend) were laid of yesterday. Their company let go a number of people and unfortunately they were a part of that lucky group.

My mom isn't sad, it's more of a blessing in disguise for her; she hated her job, it made her miserable working 12 hour shifts. The severance package was decent, and she told me not to worry.

So why am I worrying? If the savings I have accumulated up to this point would take care of any outstanding debts I would gladly fork it over. But it's beyond that. Debt began to grow when my stepdad was laid off a few years ago. Now it can only get worse. I feel powerless in the situation, but I need to remember that it's not my situation. But, maybe I can help.

Lynnette 8:49 AM

Wednesday, June 2

 

Traveshamockery

Jimmy Fallon is yummy. Purty eyes and nice lips. This isn't news to us ladies, but sheeeeit, I just thought you should all know.

Last night Steve and I had an impromptu date, dinner and a movie; a classic. I ended up seeing Shrek 2 for the second time in 2 days. Two, two. Not much going on here, at work, feeling the pull in my stomach muscles from Pilates. Which sucks, because I'm a tad sore, but sweet because I know it's working!

My life is so unendingly exciting, can you stand it?!! I said, can you stand it?

We move in three weeks' time.
Weight: who fucking cares

Trans Am is this Friday. All behold, Futureworld.

Lynnette 9:00 AM

Tuesday, June 1

 

You heard the man, Tubbs...get undressed!

So in case any of you bought the first season of Kids in the Hall, devoured it in a weekend and are now dying for more guys in dresses, may I suggest "The League of Gentlemen". Why I have not heard of this?! Where was it hiding? Fabulous British comedy staring mainly three gents who oft go about in dresses. Dark, bizarre humor. Just my style. Enjoy kiddies!

Weight: 140
Pints: zero

Lynnette 8:37 AM