. . . Tupperware Cities . . .

Sunday, November 30

 

I have finally come up with a unique gift idea for my Steve. Here are your clues, dearest:
1) It will happen next year.
2) It will be worth the cost.
3) It will happen outside of the continental United States.
4) It will be both cold and hot outside.

Any ideas?

Lynnette 11:09 AM

Saturday, November 29

 

DREAM: Holocaust: 1990s Minneapolis style

Right now I am thankful to be awake. I slept about 10 and a half hours last night, in which the entire contents of my REM sleep were taken up by an updated version of the Holocaust. Only this time it wasn't Jews, it was me.

It all sort of started when I found myself in one of my favorite coffee shops downtown. Usually I went right up to the counter and ordered a number 5, tuna melt to go. This time I went to the counter and had several people behind me helped instead. When I was finally the only person standing at the counter the two people behind the deli counter mumbled something about "we're busy right now," and turned their backs on me. I was devastated. In the back there was a table I always sat at with friends. A few of them were already there, one of them being Frances McDormand. As I walked back to the table empty handed I could see the fallen looks on their faces. They knew it was beginning, they already knew. I was soon to find out.

They explained to me something about the wall that was going up around the city. Not a solid wall, per se, but an electric fence, the main purpose of which was to keep "us" inside the city. I didn't believe them, until we took a walk through most of the warehouse district and into the center of downtown, to the other side. Along the way, there were Nazis on horseback, shooing us away from the sidewalks, making us walk in the streets. Others herded us away from storefronts. When we reached the fence I couldn't believe my eyes. I fainted; not an unconscious fainting, but rather a my-body-cannot-survive-what-I-am-about-to-experience sort of giving up. My friends pulled me to my feet and I was yanked into an abandonded hotel. I soon discovered that's where I was to live for the next ten years: in hiding.

Next thing I knew I was standing next to my father who was seated at a small table. The room was dark and all of the walls held outdated wallpaper, maroon with gold-flecked fleur-de-lis. It was then that I realized I was in my 18-year-old body. I was smaller, had no breasts and I felt very small, very small and vulnerable. I said to my dad, "Dad, in 10 years I am going to visit myself as I am now. Not sure how, but I have a feeling those two will meet." (Very Red Dwarf, Parallel Dimension). Of course, my dad laughed it off, saying I must be hungry or tired from the long day of discovery.

For many years I lived upstairs in the hotel, in empty rooms, with strangers who quickly became friends, lovers, companions. We were all we had. At one point the power went out which made the stairs disappear. I had been outside traipsing around, looking for food, only to return and find that I couldn't make it to the seventh floor. The landlady caught me and told me to leave. I fumbled around, making excuses about how I was stuck on the fence and couldn't leave. (They had put fences on the stair, you see, to keep "us" from living in the empty buildings. It didnt' stop us, though, we had ways, we had our secret ways.) As I stalled for time, the landlady became bored and left, sending a warning over her shoulder that I should be on my way, or she would summon "them". Finally, she was out of sight. I yelled "seventh, seven, I need help SEVENTH!" in hopes that someone on my floor would come to my rescue. An annoyed-looking boy came to the edge of the stairs just to see what the hub-bub was. It was me, halfway over the fence that blocked the stairs and one hand barely gripping the carpet that spilled over into the empty stairwell. The boy disappeared and I thought I was done for, when he immediately reappeared with a towel. In a flash he whipped the towel down towards my arm, swirled it around, and yanked me up onto the seventh floor. He walked away down the hallway and went into one of the empty rooms, shutting the door behind him. This is how it was, we were all alone with the Nazis downstairs.

Lynnette 9:26 AM

Friday, November 28

 

As Lister would say, "Smegging Hell!"

None of you will believe this until it is seen with your own eyes. Please click here to watch someone beat Super Mario 3, in ELEVEN MINUTES. This is not a joke. From the looks of it it was a Japanese version. Bloody insane, just bloody insane.

Lynnette 8:30 PM

 

i don't sound like this in person. not in the least.

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Lynnette 2:53 PM

Thursday, November 27

 

Found a great new site: http://listsofbests.com/. Along with that I discovered Pitchfork's list of top 90s albums. Enjoy.

Lynnette 10:06 PM

Tuesday, November 25

 

Christine at Blogger is my new favorite person. Thank you, a thousand thank yous.

Lynnette 5:06 PM

 

Folks, this could be the end of this site. I royally fucked it up, and may have to obliterate and start again. All my dreams could be lost.

Lynnette 1:42 PM

 

Knitting. It's going well. Thinking about buying a house. Yes.

Lynnette 9:48 AM

Monday, November 24

 

I'm becoming increasingly more tired, lethargic, and mentally asleep with the lack of light. In the past I have suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and I had hoped that I could work through it with books, exercise, hobbies. It's an uphill battle, but I'm doing okay. Tonight I'm planning on going for a swim, followed up by a stint in the sauna; water is so very relaxing.

Lynnette 3:16 PM

 

It snowed. Big deal. At work, again.

Lynnette 8:44 AM

Friday, November 21

 

Not Rupert, anyone but Rupert. He was my MAN! He was going to the end. Alas, denied. Neat.

Lynnette 9:32 AM

Monday, November 17

 

Saw _Love Actually_ yesterday, and thought it was wonderful; perfect date movie. Steve, the skeptic on the way to the theatre, was pleasantly surprised.

I also learned to knit this weekend and am currently in the middle of a muted-red wool scarf, 25 stiches wide. Fabulous. My secret plot to draw my friend Amy to the Twin Cities began yesterday. Just you wait!

Oh yes, and I got my ass blown at the Jucifer show. Fucking hard!!

Lynnette 7:00 AM

Thursday, November 6

 

DREAM: Tokyo with Burke

I had a dream last night that I was assigned to track down a local band that had traveled to Tokyo on tour. The actor Seth Green was in the band, but I don't recall what their name was. UPS gave me a stack of sealed envelopes that contained $2,000 in traveler's checks for my journey. Unfortunately, it wasn't until recently that I remembered I had to make the flight to Tokyo. Driving around with my friend Burke I saw a shoe on the floor on the passenger side; the top of the shoe contained my ticket dated January 4, 2003. Needless to say I was a little pissed I had missed out on a free flight to Tokyo, however, I had to get my hair cut again, so we tried to exchanged the tickets for new ones. We were able to get 2 round-trip tickets for Tokyo for that night!!

Downtown Tokyo had the best hair salon in the world, and, in my dream, I couldn't get my hair cut anywhere else. Burke and I pushed bicycles around as we looked for this famous Japanese tower. I found the stripmall where the salon was, and while I looked around for it, Burke went and peed in the bushes. After my haircut we decided to head home. Stopping by the UPS stand to check out tickets some Japanese businessmen were talking about us, it was obvious. It was a bit uncomfortable and I cursed myself for not speaking a third language.

On the way through the airport we passed Seth Green and his band, which was apparently still touring Japan. I said "hey", he threw one back, "hey". Then my cat laid down across my head and I woke up.

Lynnette 8:01 AM