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Saturday, May 31
How Soon Is Now?In an attempt to yank myself from the depths of my depression I have stopped dreaming. Just for the week. Call it a dry spell if you will.
In the light that is the Saturday sunshine on downtown Minneapolis I thought I would share with you, both of my readers, one of my favorite things to do alone. I love to wake up early, before Steve, and play the Smiths and sing along. You see, he can't stand the cock-riding Morrissey, as I can, so as a solution to a possible rift in our relationship, I find my own time to enjoy such gems as "Girlfriend is a Coma", and "Ask", one of my personal favorites. I'm also obsessed with the Rufus Wainwright song "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk"... I dunno but there's something about it that makes me want to sing it loudly. Mind you, I can't sing if my life depended on it, but as Lynda Barry says: don't laugh at people when they sing bad, just be glad they are singing at all.
Lynnette 9:39 AM
Monday, May 26
Today I watched the 3rd Season of Sex and the City. Yes, today.
I also discovered something horrific. Alright, not so horrific. I'm a firm believer in "Tragedy + Time = Comedy". Without beating around the bush, I'll just come out and say it: I washed my cell phone on the gentle cycle. I didn't mean to, of course, it's just that after we came home from the show last night our clothes reeked of ciggy smoke so badly that we stripped naked in the living room. Next morning, I didn't think twice about throwing the stinky clothes right into our washing machine (ya know, the one right next to our kitchen, muahahahaaaa). Later, after the season finale of Sex and the City where Carrie finds herself alone, Aidan-less and pining after Mr. Big, we began the search for the cell phone.
When I lose things, my first reaction, however crazy, is to believe with my heart and soul that someone has broken in and stolen the item in question. Candice, that bitch, shook me back to reality once when she said, "Bender, who the fuck is going to break into your apartment and steal your ratty-ass jeans?!?!" She was right. After that, whenever I lose something I look everywhere. I look for milk in the cupboards, and I look for my keys in the fridge. Believe it or not, those situations have happened to me on more than one occasion. Anyhoo, I poked my head into the washing machine as I transfered the wash to the dryer, only to find a lonely piece of grey plastic and microchips staring back at me.......dead, wet, unloved.
I couldn't believe it. I had killed my cell phone. Every break and lunch at work it timed me. Video poker had been my favorite way to pass the time before Steve picked me up from work. All the apartments I had looked at for Candice were programmed in. So was my entire family tree, and all the decent record stores I had fallen for in this town. Fuck. I'm a bad techno-mother.
Lynnette 11:28 PM
Sunday, May 25
I love that I have matured to the fact that I can chose singles based soley on my opinion. The Oasis single "Wonderwall" will always be one of my favorite songs. You know why, taking into consideration the two spaces that should proceed/follow a sentence, it's because it sticks in my head, it makes me happy, the lyrics are easy to remember and for some reason the melody comforts me. Sometimes you need comforting. Americans (and I can speak as such because I am one), tend to get caught up in the whole "idea" of liking music, and what one SHOULD like. I say, fuck that, I listen to the oldies station. Nothing gets me in the mood to party like the O'Jays "Love Train". Goddamm.
What's the point of this post. Oh yeah: Do people publish things like this?? On paper.
BURKE: yeah bitch, I knew you be readin' this shit, yo. Get your fucking ass up here. i can find you an apartment; as I am the Candice Fryda. GD like a mutha-fuck!!!!!!!!!
Lynnette 1:29 AM
Friday, May 23
DREAM: Vicious CircleI was dreaming that I was in outer space, in this limousine that could regenerate itself and form different shapes. Eric Idle was there and split it in half, and pushed each half away from each other. An accordion of limousine partsstretched out to retouch, and I hopped inside. We were floating around in space, surrounded by extinct, deep sea fish with teeth longer than their heads. There were space beings that had suckers form mouths and kept trying to cling to the vehicle. All in all it was bizarre and a bit unnerving.
This morning when I woke up, the cat was meowing like crazy. A terrible way to get woken up, lemme tell ya. Then I went into the bathroom, and saw that the toilet and bathroom rug were gone. We had some work done in the apartment yesterday and I wondered if maybe they had to replace the toilet, too. It was fucking weird. So I went and got Steve up, and told him what I had seen. When I went back into the bathroom, the toilet was back, sans tank, but the water was running. I went into the living room and came back. The tank was there, with no lid. I went to the living room and back to the bathroom to find Steve sitting on the toilet. I figured everything was fine, so I went to make my breakfast. Steve was in the kitchen. I took him to the bathroom, and found I was seeing two of them. It was then that I told Steve I think I had a nervous breakdown and was beginning to hallucinate. Steve said he would talk me through them, help me stay sane until we could get help. I went over the toilet tank and tried to lift it up. I started crying; I could hear the water running and the flush but I could see it with my eyes.
I knew I had gone crazy. The front door seemed like a safe place to sit, so I retired to the corner nearby. A moth was floating around, which I thought was weird since I hadn't ever seen a single bug in our apartment. As it got closer I noticed that it wasn't a moth, after all, but these tiny, tiny, tiny monkeys with wings that I had hallucinated in the past, when I had my "quarter-life crisis" back in Stinkin' Lincoln. I ran screaming into the living room to get away from the monkeys which were now in a group of 6 or 7, and trying to cling to my hair.
The whole time I had no idea it was a dream. When I finally woke up for real this morning I had to get my bearings, and even braced myself before entering the bathroom. Usually "bad"/nightmarish dreams happen when I wake up in the middle of one dream (alarm, and subsequent snooze bar), and then try to return to the same place. My brain must default to a nightmare because it senses me trying to access a dream already in progress. In any event, my dreams can get so vivid, sometimes I wish I didn't dream at all.
Lynnette 7:26 AM
Thursday, May 22
DREAM: Jasper Johns...or is it?Candice and I were remarking on the Claes Oldenberg shuttlecocks, which I had in my backyard. In my dream he was my cousin, or brother-in-law, some type of relative. He was thoughtful, always sharing his art. Inside I had two paintings by Jasper Johns, on either side of the fireplace. He was defintely a cousin, but for some reason Candice didn't like the pieces; strange because I figured her for a J.J. fan. C'est la vie.
As I looked closer I realized they were painted by a man by the name of Eugene Hidelberg, who was on the other side of my family; we were not on speaking terms. I told Candice it wasn't Jasper, and we understood why they sucked.
I had my knee-length sweater wrapped around me, sticking my head out the backdoor. It was the middle of winter, and the wind had a sharpness in it that was unmistakeably Minnesotan. "Brrr", I said, not really meaning it, and went back inside, shutting the door. A neighbor, and friends of my parents, was there and offered to take me to the zoo. We exchanged phone numbers, and said goodbye.
Then I dreamt I was living with a gay roommate, who was actually a character on Queer as Folk. He was very nice, but boring, and always had sex on the couch.
Lynnette 6:42 AM
Tuesday, May 20
A review I agree with wholeheartedly, if you can believe it. Do not see the Matrix Reloaded, it blew. Read all about the sucktacular flick here.
Lynnette 7:33 PM
Monday, May 19
The first day of the rest of my week...Today at work I had a moment. You know, a "moment". Like when you're walking around daydreaming, or blabbling to friends (or yourself) and suddenly you realize it's all going to be okay.
I was walking with a stack of documents down a hallway of cubicles, one minute thinking how mundane it was, the next I realized "all jobs are the same." It really doesn't matter where I go, I can do this anywhere. I'm outgoing enough now, as opposed to then, so I can make friends and chit-chat with coworkers. Making friends is easier than I remember. It's all going to be okay. I made the choice to move to Minneapolis, partially because I wanted to see if I could do it. Partially, to put another notch in the committment belt with Steve-o.
Minneapolis is amazing. Especially when I wake up early on Saturdays and go to the pool downstairs. One wall and part of the ceiling is glass, looking out onto the downtown skyline, and usually nobody is there. I open the door with my pass card and pretend it's my private pool, in the basement of my mansion. Fucking great. This weekend I bought a membership to the Walker Art Center and Steve and I walked around the galleries for free. One of my favorite exhibits, now three blocks away to be had for a song, is this video installation on two screens; video tape of adolescents posing/dancing to typical techno music. Most chewing gum, smoking, and drinking beer, not in that particular order. I've seen the exhibit three times now, some of the footage overlapping, but never in its entirety, as video installations should never be seen. Bean bags line the back wall, and Steve and I sat there for probably a half an hour. Then a quick jaunt through the sculpture garden, and a glance at the Gehry glass fish.
It's marvelous to pretend it's all mine.
Lynnette 7:47 PM
Sunday, May 18
I feel a routine coming on. Really, I do. I'm most happy when I have a set routine. I like to wake up at the same time, even on weekends, and go to bed at the same time, even on the weekends. (That is of course unless there's a show.. hmm....) I use the same bathroom stalls in public places and even at work. Fifth floor, first on the left. It's mine, I always use that one.
The routine for Saturday seems to be slowly developing into the following scenario: Steve looks on the Star Tribune for neighborhood garage sales, or any sales on the way to the neighborhood garage sales. I bitch and moan, and eventually go with him, because well.... we only have one car. The first three garage sales I get out, wander around, amazed at the junk peole try to sell, get back in the car and wonder when the garage sale expedition will be over. Selfishly, I pout until we come across a garage sale where I find something practical, useful, and purchase said item. Then I'm good for the rest of the day.
The attitude-changing garage sale came yesterday around 1:15pm, after I discovered I was sunburned on my shoulders badly, and still desperately in need of a bathroom and food. A brunette couple, slightly older than Steve and I, had their furniture and bric-a-brac spread over their lawn like peanut butter on toast. Strangely, Stereolab was playing on the stereo, the first garage sale to date in which this has happened. I walked up and spotted a GE flip clock that I had been coveting for weeks: $3. Next to it was a Panasonic clock/radio: $4. What a steal. There was fabulous furniture, affordable, but larger than our car. But it gave me garage sale hope. This is priceless.
Sunday is turning out to be the thrift store day.
Do I buy the shirt that says, "I'm blogging this" or is that just too obvious. Fuck. Does anyone else read this besides my crackbaby and Oreida Fryda? Wow.
Lynnette 10:04 AM
DREAM: Make-your-own-movie road trip, NASCAR boxing floatsI dreamt I was on a road trip with Steve and a guy named Chad (no, Steve not Christmas Night Chad). We were driving from East coast to West coast, stopping in all the major metropolitan areas I hadn't been to yet. When came upon Indianapolis, Indiana and I shrieked! "I've haven't been to Indiana yet!" (In fact, I have in waking life). Anyway, we stopped at this huge megaplex building that was a restaurant, movie theatre, arcade all-in-one. In the arcade we found a make-your-own-movie booth. We came up with a retarded plot: Steve and Chad were trying to kidnap me, the princess, from her space palace; I supposed to go along with them. It was basically a camcorder mounted behind a wall inside a room that went black. The lack of light was a requirement and so were the Tron-like constumes we adorned. The glowing part of the costumes had to be painted on, however, and Steve and Chad chose a bright green. Wanting to stand out, of course, I chose a bright maroon to signifiy myself as the princess, not unlike Princess Leia. We started making the 5 minute movie, they made up lines, and I went along with them.....up to a point. To their surprise I started fighting back, and in the end was free. When the movie played back on a television it looked like our bodies were in an 8-bit video game, little squares that were moving along in straight lines. The "fighting back" became a little "bullet" that flew across the screen from one of our "squares" to another.
Then I dreamt I was going to join a boxing/NASCAR group, and kick all their asses at their own sport! Only, the cars zoomed by so fast that I couldn't cross the track from the middle and get out. So I scraped the idea of joining and watched the race. The cars were more like parade floats, and some were decorated with 'cholo' letters with huge gaudy airbrushed faces of Elvis. In fact, the car with Elvis painted on it had Elvis Presley songs blaring every time it passed me; every time I plugged my ears......because I can't stand Elvis Presley.
Lynnette 7:50 AM
Saturday, May 17
DREAM: My DreamsNo really, that's what I dreamt about: my dreams. It was this huge sprawling field, covered with different scenarios and people from my former dreams. The roller coaster with cars filled with cement blocks. I remember floating over it and telling someone excitedly, "That's my dream, the cement blocks in the roller coaster car!" I'm too tired to remember anything else.
Yesterday at work I did overhear a conversation in the break room; two women were chit chatting about dreams.
1: "I had a dream that I was in a car accident...."
2: "Really? Like somebody you know was in an accident?"
1: "No, I was in an accident; I was driving the car. I wonder what that means?"
2: "I have no dreams..." (Said in a nonchalant, semi-snotty voice.)
I'll tell you what it might mean, lady. You were driving the car in your accident, representing something that you have control of in your life. The car went out of control causing an accident. This probably means that there is something in your life you THINK is in control will soon come to a crashing halt. Perhaps it's something you are trying to hide, keep under wraps, believing that you can keep living a lie, when in fact you know in your heart of hearts that it will never work.
Lynnette 7:27 AM
Thursday, May 15
DREAM FROM CANDICE: MURDERESS!Anyway, I forgot to tell you about this dream I had about you the other night and I was reminded of it because of the dream you had about the bird and the tin can. I can't remember a lot of the details now, what I remember is us standing in front of the little white house off the alley down the street from my apartment building. You were holding a tin can in your hand(dun dun dun) and inside was a little brown mouse. Then you took this aerosol can and sprayed it into the can and took the lid from the aerosol can to put on top of the tin can to suffocate the mouse. I asked you what you were doing and you said "Im killing the mouse" and I freaked out and kept asking you why you were going to kill the mouse and you said "I dunno I just want to kill it" so I pushed you and grabbed the can but it was too late , you had killed the mouse. And then I was crying and feeling much hate for you and you were all "lets go see a movie " and I screamed at you "You just killed a mouse I am mad at you !!!!" (yeah fierce words I know). So then for some reason even though I should have killed YOU we were taking a walk down my street and I was holding my fish tank and Horatio my betta was inside and you plopped in a sea sponge (you must have had it in your pocket or something) . General Horatio swam into the sea sponge and got stuck and I could see the life draining out of
him and so I was telling you to grab a stick and kill the sea sponge.. but you wouldnt do it cuz you didn't want to kill it and then I started yelling at you and asking why it was okay for you to kill a mouse for no reason and not a sea sponge who was killing my fish and you had no answer. So I took a stick and jabbed the f**k out of that sea sponge but I think General Horatio was already dead. Weird dream cuz its not like Im feeling any anger towards you. Then last night I had a dream that I was living in this apartment building with Clay (of American Idol) and there was something about shoes.. shoes and rusty colored couches in the apartment..cant remember.. but our apartment exploded like someone had planted bombs under it. We weren't hurt but the next apartment we moved into exploded and Clay was inside but I got him out and he was all bloody and then we kept going from apartment to apartment and they kept blowing up. Then we realized the city was under attack so Clay and I and my 8th grade
English teacher Ms. Roper (she just appeared out of the blue) got on the back of a hay ride type dealio and had some horses pull us out of town and as we got towards the edge of the city we looked up and could see stars and various galaxies extremely clearly and crisply and we were all moved ya know. And then I started singing this song by Bruce Cockburn "Lovers in a Dangerous Time" because of the lyric "first you think that the sky is gonna fall and then you're dazzled by the beauty of it all" . It was a very movie ending moment to my dream.
Lynnette 6:40 PM
Bed & Breakfast...and a bad movieLast night I dreamt I was visiting Lincoln, seeing old friends. While I was there Tom Cruise and I were discussing where to take a short, in-town vacation. He suggested a place on the outskirts of Lincoln called "Red Way". As he said that someone was hanging a large poster advertisement for the Red Way on a wall but sort of in the air. As the poster hung in the air, 2 rows of holes magically appeared, from left to right, like something invisible punched it in sequence.
Tom Cruise asked if I had seen the movie yet? Apparently, the rooms at the Red Way were small, humble, very backwoods-y, and had a built in home theatre in it. The movie currently showing was one I had raved about on my site, but now the title escapes me.
Lynnette 6:34 AM
Wednesday, May 14
DREAM: Blowing shit up, oh and camels, tooI dreamt I was walking around downtown Minneapolis when I found out they were going to destroy this historical building. Three floors of classic red brick beauty, demolished by a strategically placed bomb, designed to implode the building and leave its neighbors intact.
Everyone in town new of the event, so I trotted by and found a crowd had already formed along the sidewalk, RIGHT next to the building. Someone was coordinating it all, calling people up, including myself, to "stand closer, come see for yourself". It was like a circus show. A dyke on a motorcycle rode back and forth on a small wooden plank, showing her skill in handling the bike. On wheelies she showed how much control she had by inching up close to people, revving the engine, and wheeling back still on one wheel. Finally, she rode back onto the plank and hit the trigger for the bomb. I immediately got on my cell phone and called Candice, who worked in a building across the street (Target Guest Collections... hmm????), first floor by the window. She just HAD to see this happen! "Look now, it's happening, look look look look!!!", I shouted.
After the explosion everyone was surprised to find that the majority of the structure still stood, having only lost its windows, and walls. The frame stood alone, with a single lone door intact on the first floor. Three camels walked in line, back and forth out the front door.
Oh and I will return all those fabulous emails tonight, fuck I've been so busy. Talked to my Bitch last night; if everything goes as planned she should be up here in 6 weeks' time. I may fly down there and drive her Uhaul up to Minneapolis, picking up my throne on the way through Omaha. I need my reading chair. I can't believe you never learned to fucking drive Fryda! Damn!
Lynnette 6:48 AM
Sunday, May 11
I spelled "Zamphir" wrong. The corrected spelling is: Zamfir.
Lynnette 9:54 AM
DREAM: Salamander/Alligator BirdsLast night I had bizarro dreams, surprise. I had a small plate, a tea saucer, on which there were two salamander/alligator creatures that were only about 2 inches long, resting on a small bed of grass. I had named them, and they were my pets. On the ground I found a third, which meowed a lot (probably my cat meowing in the middle of the night, incorporated into my dreams). The third was put onto the plate, on the bed of grass, and the plate covered almost air-tight with plastic wrap. The third salamander/alligator kept meowing through an opening that was left because the plastic wrap was not wide enough.
For some reason or another I went to Nebraska, and was travelling back and forth from Lincoln to Omaha, and discussing the traffic patterns between the two cities. Outside it was windy and I dropped the plate of salamander/alligators. The first two ran off, the third fell to the ground and became a fake bird, a bird like they put in flower arrangements, a dried, stiff, plastic bird with real feathers covering it. I picked it up, wondering where the life had gone, when it fell to the ground again, turned bright red and then appeared in a tin can. The can had been opened with a can opener and the bird's feet stuck out of the lid, tilted open. I put my hand in the air and the bird flew up, still in the can, and perched with its exposed feet on my finger, the can upside down.
Lynnette 9:38 AM
Saturday, May 10
Queer as FuckLast night I dreamt of Brian Kinney. What can I say, the man is beautiful, but probably completely gay.
We're both hooked on "Queer as Folk", or what we lovingly refer to as "Queer as Fuck". Initially it was to act as a series filler in the interim of other series being released: Sex & the City, Sopranos, Twin Peaks (I won't hold my breath on that one...), Simpsons (Season 3 out this August, btw...), and last but not least, my beloved Six Feet Under. Thank fucking christ I am a patient girl.
Found out on the Walker site there is a Jenny Holzer sculpture and a Calder I haven't seen before, out in the garden. The weather is gorgeous, depite forecasts for continual rain, leading me to suspect that a 2-block walk will be in order later... weee.
Lynnette 8:48 AM
Thursday, May 8
Where is Zamphir when you need him most?Tonight Steve and I pondered the whereabouts of Zamphir, you know the pan flute guy. It came about because of Bright Eyes; Steve bought his single ticket, I quipped I would rather see Yanni live, the idea of which made Steve perked up. "Oh, I would see Yanni...", he joked. "No, I'd rather see Zamphir," I replied.
Then I wished there could be tons of centaurs running around playing pan flutes, because, we both agreed, the pan flute is a lost (dying?) art. Half-men, half-horse (I thought goat, originally) running around with.... beards. "Why do they always have beards?", Steve wondered rhetorically. We both thought about it, then he decided it would be hard to shave if you had hooves for hands.
Lynnette 9:15 PM
DREAM: It's vague, I knowI really don't feel like typing in the morning, I'd rather get into the habit of swimming for a half hour before work, since the pool is right below us. (On fourth floor see, we don't live ON the pool, duh). My soy milk as hardened at the bottom and won't come out; forgot to shake it. The most important thing I did was fill the coffee pot with water/grounds last night, so this morning my brain just had to remember to plug it in.
I dreamt I was visiting or living with Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips. We were roommates, and his girlfriend would come over and visit. The house was pretty weird, and didn't even look like a house from the outside. Best part was the backyard was filled with cats named "Bill", and whenever Wayne would play Flaming Lips the cats would dance on their hind legs and look crazy. Oh jesus christ, I dreamt I had a baby. I didn't dream of the childbirth event, just having a baby. The father spent most of the time with the baby, and when I tried picking it up the baby was naked and my shirt got soaked with pee. I don't recall if it was a boy, a girl, or dead. I just didn't want anything to do with it, in any way, shape or form.
This image will scare Fryda as she has the fear of cats walking like humans. I, on the other hand, would pee myself silly if I saw a tabby in a keystone cop uniform, with the little blue cap atop his head, running down the street after evil-doers. Oh my the hilarity.
This Friday the Walker Art Center is having some event, fairly cheap, to display some of their permanent collection of minimalist works: Frank Stella, etc. AND after the exhibit they are showing La Jetée, a short film of mostly still-frames telling of the world after a nuclear war. Twelve Monkeys was based on it loosely, but this French treasure is not to be missed. Although it's available on video, too, so if I didn't feel like rubbing elbows with the art fags, I can rent it. Come to think of it, I have a copy somewhere. Shit, nevermind.
Lynnette 6:44 AM
Wednesday, May 7
BITCHES CAN'T SEE, HEAR, NOR SMOKE !!!
Lynnette 10:58 PM
Early. Up ith the sun. with the sun, even. cannot find my bra, nor my pants. need coffee. fuck
Lynnette 6:19 AM
Tuesday, May 6
My last day of freedom, and how appropriate that it is today. Basically I ran out of fun money, and now it's back to the ol' grindstone to earn that dollar and not whore it off the streets like Fryda usually does. Drove out to Robbinsdale to a fabulous video store (as our DVD player is on the fritz) and found every classic movie you could crave for $1.00. Unfortunately, at this time we have no checks, IDs, bills or pieces of mail to prove our new address, and open a new account. So we headed back home to the buzz of downtown where Steve and I faded out to recorded tv movies and books respectively. I opened up 2 boxes of books and dug through to find a James Thurber collection I had completely forgotten about. I remember reading Thurber when I was a kid, or rather "reading" his series of drawings that formed stories. In particular I remember "The Last Flower..." from when I was younger, and that I found it depressing, even back then as a wee babe, a chitlin, what have you, word.
Where's that damned coffee.
Tomorrow I start my new job, which sounds somewhat promising. Mind you, I still have my ear to the proverbial ground of employment, but I plan on being positive about the new position right off the bat.
New Blur album released today, although I'm sure it will lack creativity, and talent as Graham Coxon is no longer with the band. Sad.
My brain keeps bugging out. My dreams as of late are extremely personal and depressing. Specifically, one dream I had was about my deceased grandfather; this is to be shared with my mother and my Nonnie, his widow.
Somehow my copy of Seabiscuit that I was reading has turned up missing, and now I find myself at a loss. I was over the hump in the book, and was nearing the back stretch, as it were, and POOF, now it's gone. I'll be damned if I'm going to go see the fucking movie after having come so far in the book. Dammit to hell and back.
Lynnette 8:31 AM
Saturday, May 3
Have modem, will smileWe have our modem back online, hooked up with the Mini Apples Roadrunner system, finally!
Updates, yes there are a few, or rather one very large announcement: not only is Fryda considering the move to the City of Lakes, her friend Ron and his boyfriend Dan are as well. So, Fryda, Burke, Ron and Dan are gonna be living around here, hopefully downtown near our building (or in it). It's as if the planets were aligning...
Saw X2, it was sweet.
Have internet, overloaded, don't know what to do without it.
Lynnette 12:20 PM