. . . Tupperware Cities . . .

Wednesday, July 31

 

At my day job the main server is on the verge of crashing. This has caused our database and email functions to be out of commission for 2 full days. At first I thought, man this rocks, I'll surf the net all day and get paid! After two full days of doing so, I can tell you I would rather be working. Gasp, shock, horror. I wish I had something to do. I have found all the recipes I need to, researched the 35mm Olympus manual camera I want to buy, looked for more apartments up in MN, MN, killed a fly a mosquito a beetle and a wolf spider near my desk, ate a lime popsicle, listened to a couple CDs, and fucked around on eBay. When will the slack-off end?

Lynnette 3:03 PM

 

As Tom Petty says, the waiting is the hardest part. In T minus 2 hours I will have Roadrunner at home. Bill Patterson's ebay career can kick it into high gear, and my downloading can begin. \m/ \m/

Lynnette 2:59 PM

 

DREAM: Dirty Hotels, Alligators, Gore, Mayhem, and Walker Art Center

I had a regular patchwork quilt of dreams last night; nothing tied together, and nothing seemed to be based in real life as they usually are. I dreamt I was staying at a hotel, because I was involved with a sports tournament out of town; softball I think (softball is gay, btw, baseball all the way). The front desk gave me the key for room 108. When I opened the door another guest was obviously still using it. In the bathroom there was make-up jars, beauty appliances, rumpled towels on the floor, and clothes hung from every hook and doorknob. I pooped anyway, and it was slimy-pink. (Christ, I don't interpret this stuff!). Having TCB'd in the dirty hotel room I explained the situation to the front desk (leaving the poop out of it) and they gave me a clean room. Room 110.

When I got in the bathroom of Room 110 I shut the door, only to find that it didn't reach the ceiling. Rather than a doorframe that met flush with the top of the door, there was a two or three foot gap. I felt pressure against the door like someone was trying to push it open. I yelled that someone was in the bathroom, but the pushing didn't stop. Alligator snouts, three of them, showed themselves above the door jam. I was scared shitless. I couldn't hold the door shut anymore and they pushed their way in. I don't remember how I wrestled them out of the bathroom, but I think it was with the help of Jon Polito, who appeared in several Coen Brothers films.





Then me, Jon Polito, and a friend of mine were sitting around watching B horror movies. In the scene we watched a cloaked man was holding Jennifer Connelly by the head and stabbing a short knife into her mouth. After she was stabbed in the mouth a big gloopy mess of gore and blood came spilling out of her mouth, as if she were vomiting a bloody mass. Then the film pulled in closer to her face and we could see more and more gore spilling from her face. I noticed that the oozing gore was actually coming through the villan's hand, and from behind her, fed from a pile of it laying on the floor. It was like Pee Wee's Big Adventure when he's pulling the bike chain out from his bike and you can see it feeding up from below. We all laughed...

Then I dreamt I was at the Walker Art Center in Minneapolis. The hip-hop exhibit was still going on in the lower level so I decided to get a second look. There was nobody there this time and I had plenty of space to walk around, and talk out loud. After awhile I felt like someone was watching me from the stairs. I went up there and a professional looking brunette in a smart, gray skirt suit was standing there, quietly. I could see she was an employee of the Walker so I asked her what time the gallery closed. "Eight o'clock." Then I asked her what time it was. "Eight thirty." I apologized for being there after hours, and making them all wait while I looked at the art. The woman told me it their policy not to bother patrons who were visiting.

I visited another day and the gallery was full of big ugly couches, like ones from Rod Kush. The couches were all pushed together so there was no walking room, but the hip-hop exhibit was still there. A blonde girl was there showing me her marble sculpture; a sphere balanced along a tilted, polished rectangular beam.

Lynnette 9:22 AM

Tuesday, July 30

 

DREAM: Japanese sleepover, Laser purse, OCIA peeps

Dreamt that I was planning a sleepover party with two Japanese exchange students. They were in junior high and spoke subpar English, and I was outwardly their age but knew what I know now at 27. Before they showed up I was planning things to show them, activities to keep us entertained, movies to watch. I put on my black purse I got for a $1 (!) and realized that if I stared at something and blinked my eyes quickly that the purse would shoot out laser beams. The lasers damaged nothing, and it seemed more a parlor trick than anything. Their host family dropped off the Japanese girls and they ran inside laughing and screaming. I showed them my purse trick, on the wall, off their heads, on the dog...they were thoroughly entertained. After awhile I found myself so overly tired that I was nearly collapsing on the floor. The Japanese girls told me in broken English that they needed beds to sleep in. One was standing up, the other was curled on a chair, with a men's corduroy blazer wrapped around her. I grabbed some blankets and pillows and gave up my bed. I figured I was so dog-tired that I could fall asleep anywhere.

I was walking around an old building that was in the process of being remodeled into apartments. The building was located in Lincoln but I didn't live there anymore, I was a visitor this time. I had a bag with me, a hiking bag or a backpack of some sort that I was trying to keep tabs on. There were current and ex-employees from OCIA jumping around on beds and laughing. I didn't find any of it humorous and went outside to a car. My ex-roommate Joe was there, and my friend Josh who lives in NYC. They were planning on parking downtown and going out. I told them not to park downtown; with out of state plates the car was sure to be broken into. I had ulterior motives: my bag was in the trunk and they didn't want to lock it. I went back into the building and Lisa Spicka and Krista Kennedy were jumping around on the bed and making monkey noises.

Lynnette 7:32 AM

 

Stuff and Nonsense

Last night Bill Patterson and I watched our latest Netflix film, FOCUS. We both like Arthur Miller and figured a film based on one of his plays would be decent. Right? I mean, Death of a Salesman is one of the best plays ever written, am I wrong? The film commences...we each take turns getting up, "going to the bathroom", "getting popcorn", "getting soda". In actuality we took turns checking on MASH and Seinfeld which was playing in the other room. You know a movie is bad when you sneak away from it in your own home.

Such is the burdon of Netflix. Sometimes you get that dud that you have to watch because....well, you've paid for it. Don't get me wrong, for $10 bucks a month it's a fucking steal with all the movies we watch.

Lynnette 7:20 AM

Monday, July 29

 

DREAM: High School, Comic Relief, Underground Welding

Yes another dream about high school. I dreamt I was watching the high school orchestra play in an huge caverous area. It must have been underground somewhere, the walls were cold, wet rock, and the air was cool and moist. All the high school kids were talking over each other and the echoed voices overlapping started to annoy me. I screamed, "Shut Up!" to no avail. After awhile I got their attention, with the help of their supervisor, and told them the echoes would make it difficult to work; that we had to allow one person to talk at a time.

The supervisor was a large burley man, who sat down with one of the students, hugging her, and talking about how special she was, caressed her hair and told her she was pretty. I thought he was getting a little close. Then it was my turnt to sit down with him. He tried for a hug, but I high-fived him. He laughed but I was deadpan. He put his hand on my face and looked at me; told me I was comic relief for the group. I figured this was a waste of my time so I left.

The side of the cave had natural steps where people were diving off into the water. After I crawled up the stairs I turned around to find the cave was full of water, an underground pool. After swimming around for a short while someone came down and told us we would be drilling soon. I put on my scuba gear, and oxygen mask, and dove into the black water. Underwater nobody was there except me and the other 3 or 4 divers. I was holding my breath, but then blurted out loudly (so it would translate through the water) "It's very quiet down here." It was then that I realized that there was no water where we were. I started laughing; I thought we were going to be underwater-welding.

Lynnette 8:56 AM

 

DREAM: Misson Impossible, High School, Minneapolis

I dreamt my brother and I were on some secret mission deep inside some warehouse. We were all dressed in black high-tech gear and were situated on a ladder so that we would be invisible; invisible as long as we didn't move too much. Well my hands started getting sweaty, and I wasn't able to hold myself up anymore. The drop was about 200 feet, and it was so quiet you could hear us breathing. Rather than have the mission fail I backed down the ladder and went above ground.

Above ground I found myself on a field trip tour of a city with several people from high school. I remember the names, but it won't matter to you. Let's just say they were people who were nice to me in high school, but seemed extremely phony. Some were cheerleaders, student council, or simply popular. We were visiting different museums and art galleries in Minneapolis, and the high school kids were fucking annoying. Every display Anne kept whispering in Shelley's ear, "What's that", two seconds before the tour guide explained the artist and piece. They continued gabbing through lectures and speeches, commenting on boys, clothes, hair and makeup. After awhile we took a break in a nearby garage. Among the annoying high school girls and myself was a shy dorky boy. One of the girls dared another to go talk to him, and ended up giving him a couple loaves of bread. I wondered what they were up to.

I tired of the tour and jumped on a bus. Since I was in Minneapolis, I was sure I would bump into someone I knew, and if not I knew my way around the bus system. My friend Brian Kozisek was there and hopped off on 9th Street with me. I told him about the fucking annoying high school girls, and he listened. Then I asked if he could drop me at 45th Street.

Lynnette 8:46 AM

Wednesday, July 24

 

MINNEAPOLIS

Mostly for the sake of posterity here's a rundown of my trip to the Twin Cities.


Friday: We arrived in St. Paul at Bill Patterson's brother's house about 2:30 am Friday. The next morning he and I headed straight into the heart of downtown Minneapolis; no maps, just a handful of addresses and some cash. I believe they call this "winging it". Driving was no problem (save for the one time we, okay I drove down a one way street the wrong way). Such is to be expected. We experienced the skywalks, and thought about how wonderful it would be this winter to be able to navigate through downtown without going outside. After wandering a bit we stopped in O'Donovan's pub for a Guinness, across the street from First Avenue, unfolded our city map (yes we broke down and bought one) and made some sort of a plan. The bartender was cool about telling us where to go, where Let It Be Records, Sex World and other shops were. An alcoholic woman told us all about the wonders of the Metro system and how it used to be "really shitty about 5 years ago, but now it's great!" Let It Be was amazing, and conversely Sex World was totally disappointing. Blah, porn is the same everywhere, there was just more of it. Off Nicollet Mall we found a diner, Keys Restaurant, a local family chain, and stopped for a cheap but great lunch. Then for blocks upscale department stores aplenty, as Candice had warned me about, and I felt like I was in a pedestrian-only Soho.



We made it home in time for free dinner at the house, and off to downtown St. Paul for the Har Mar Superstar show. The Turf Club off University and Snelling was pretty nifty. Lots of xmas lights, dimly lit, but just enough va-va-va-voom in the place to make it not look like your father's den. There was nowhere to sit when we first got there so we ended up sharing the photo booth bench for awhile. Pinball kept me happy, until the first band Volante started. They were fairly decent, and sounded quite a bit like Unwound. Unfortunately, the next band, Arson Welles, despite the snappy name, sounded like a Sugar Ray cover band. The entire audience hated them, and we both offered our proper share of "boo"s and "you suck"s. Then of course the zaniness of the Har Mar took the stage.

Saturday: Mall of America. Yes that's it. Nearly 10 hours of pure American consumer madness. It was fucking awesome. I shopped at Aveda, ate at the Rainforest Cafe, and saw Road to Perdition, which was very good. Oh, did I mention the amusement park rides? All in all for 10 hours of shopping I only spent 70 bucks! Crap donkeys that's damn good!



Sunday: I had the Walker Art Center on my list of "Minneapolis-Must-Dos", and BP agreed. The featured exhibit was on Hip Hop culture called "One Planet Under a Groove: Hip Hop and Contemporary Art". There was hip-hop memorabilia, photographs, Dre and Snoop Dogg videos, an oversized molding of Flavor Flav's teeth, and videos showing the art of breakdancing. One video installation in the exhibit was a film of white people learning how to funk dance. Aah deconstruction theory! The permanent collection was also excellent and warranted more than 4 hours on a lazy Sunday afternoon. After closing we made our way through the sculpture gardens and saw the famous Claus Oldenburg spoon with a cherry. And then, heaven. We found the area we wanted to move to: Calhoun Square in Uptown Minneapolis (which is odd since it's Southeast of downtown). A couple of used book stores (open until midnight), lots of music shops, an Aveda salon, bunch of independent theatres, video game stores, an indoor mall, Figlio's pizza, Uptown Bar & Grill, and an Indian buffet that serves an all-you-can-eat-lunch for $5.75 which included the best mixed vegetable curry I have ever had.



Monday: For our last day of the trip we did what we actually went there to do: visit University of Minnesota @ Minneapolis. We found an area that looked like campus and started walking around. After several attempts inside strange buildings we started asking students, all of which were very cool. The area around campus is called Dinkytown, I have no idea why but it looks pretty sweet! Then we headed back to Calhoun Square, shopped a bit, and BP got a gay haircut...literally.


On my trip I learned several things:

1) Don't ever pay for downtown parking,

2) When in doubt hit a pub,

3) Do not stop in Des Moines ever, and

4) I may be moving to Minneapolis very soon.

Lynnette 8:29 AM

Saturday, July 20

 

By the way, in Minneapolis and loving it. It rained this morning and it only got to 86 yesterday. Saw Har Mar Superstar last night and it was SCARY. Just imagine some freaky looking, fat, hairy guy who sings kinda like Prince and eventually ends up in his whitey tighties (although last night they were black to match his fringed chaps... yes I said fringed chaps). Tonight it's the obligatory trip to Mall of America where I have plans to get my bitch something special. Oh yes.

Lynnette 11:01 AM

 

DREAM: Dre, Horses, Mashed Potatoes

I dreamt I went on some retreat and part of the excursion was a horseback riding trip through the nearby woods. Each person on the trip had a go-to or coordinator for their trip; mine was Dr. Dre. When we got to the corral everyone hopped on their horse, I couldn't find mine. I called Dre on his cell and asked him where my horse was. He apologized and said he forgot to organize that; my horse was still at the ranch and the owners wanted us to pick him up ourselves. I was screwed; unless I could ride this tall, white horse named Devo, but it turned out that it was waaaaay to tall for me to ride.

Instead I ran downhill in the rain with my brother and this guy Robert that I work with. We were headed toward my mom's pizza joint, and when we got there there were 5 bowls with mashed potatoes and gravy in them. My brother snagged two and started stuffing his face with food. I yelled at him because I think he took mine. Yay.

Lynnette 10:58 AM

Wednesday, July 17

 

DREAM: Fireworks, Jocelyn, Candice at the bar

I dreamt that Bill Patterson and I were living in a 5 bedroom apartment (yes apartment) in the upper level of this old house with lots of wood trim everywhere, wood floors, and smelled of Murphy's Oil Soap. There was no furniture in the house, I think it was our first night there. Bill Patterson and I were standing on the top porch (we had three) and watching the fireworks display across the lake. Behind us 5 girls walked in, fairly young, in their twenties, looking a little lost after walking through the huge house, room after room. We told them this was the best porch to see the fireworks, and as they walked by us I noticed one girl glaring at me, Jocelyn Walsh, this little girl I used to work with at Barnes & Noble. Last summer I made out with her boyfriend, and she never found out, unless she reads this site... gee, oops. While the other girls were on the porch she threw a black bra at me, saying she found this at her apartment and she knew her boyfriend had been "cheating" with me. I looked at the bra which said DD, and I knew there was no fucking way that was my bra. So I tossed it back to her and told them all it was time to leave our home. After they left my boyfriend and I had sex on the couch. I told him I loved him, and he said the same back to me. I remember being genuinely happy.

Then Bill Patterson and I went to a bar that looked exactly like this bar in Austin, Texas called The Library. It was fairly packed, and there were a lot of gay men in the bar that had spilled over from the adult bookstore next door. We laughed at how people were trying to hide the porno they had rented, under their arms. Why be shy about it when you just walked out of an adult bookstore? Then Bill Patterson went next door to rent a porn for us, I opted to sit at the bar and wait for his return. Across the bar I saw Candice hanging out with some people from work, throwing her head back laughing loudly, and generally being her drunk self. We met eyes and waved at each other. Then 6'4" Japanese man started dancing and trying to sing along with some pop song the bar jukebox was playing. His English was poor, so he only knew some of the words. The two sorority-type girls that were sitting next to me starting making fun of him until I glared at them. Then, meeting Candice's eye, I dared them to get up and go dance with them. They thought that was such a "crazy" thing to do, so they did. The Japanese man looked scared, and the girl was really drunk and danced like shit. It felt like a Friday.

Lynnette 12:36 PM

Tuesday, July 16

 

Rarely do I care what people think of me, but this weekend I two of my old roommates came into the record store I work(ed) at. One of them seemed surprised and had no idea that I worked there. And you know what?? I was actually embarrased to be 27 working at a fucking record store. There's a time in our lives when we have to grow up, and not work with kids.

Lynnette 8:56 AM

Monday, July 15

 

DREAM: Sarah Jessica Parker, Burning Goats, Dr. Elton

Had a dream I was walking somewhere with Sarah Jessica Parker and Candice down a paved pathway. We had a endpoint we were walking to, but on the way SJP stopped and asked us if we wanted to see her dream home. She was trying to draw it out on the sidewalk, but we couldn't really understand. I was digging dirt nearby so I scooped some over on the sidewalk for her to trace in. The back porch opened up to a large paved terrace, and then down a few stairs were Japanese-style fountains and a pool, everything was square and symmetrical. A man in a suit walked by and asked what we were doing with the dirt, SJP held up her hand, and with the rings on her fingers and the palm of her hand, demonstrated her dream house. We continued walking until we ended up in a building, where all the walls were white and nobody spoke English, or at least they spoke quiet enough that I couldn't understand them. We wanted to get lunch but had no cash; Candice and I went into the hallway looking for a cash machine.

Party from a reoccurring dream I have: an apartment upstairs from a business in the 1400 block off O Street, a girl I sort of know lives there. My boyfriend and I are looking at a photo we have of Rebecca in her apartment, and talking about how the city is buying up the property around her place and she may have to move. Of course we have to investigate. Rebecca isn't home, so we go out the back door to the skeletal hallway; the narrow doorway to the back rooms had a price tag on it: $4-. It was already sold! We went down to the basement and started making out, the place seemed haunted and the fear was turning us on. I was pushed back against a corner, quiet, dark, haunted. Then we both realized that across the room in the basement was a circle filled with skeletons, ashes from what appeared to be a "human roasting". The basement was not enclosed now and we walked out into a nighttime fair. There were people around, some who looked Hispanic. Steve and I found wedges of lime and lemon, and I went looking for some salt. Tienes sal, gracias. People sneered at me when I used my Spanish, so we kept walking back to the basement area. The circle of ashes and bones was now full of live goats running around, with torches, ready to set them aflame. I told Steve I couldn't bear to watch and he hid my eyes. (Too many fucking Indiana Jones movies)

I was in a clean, bright room with my chiropractor, a very sweet lady a few years older than me. Twenty people sat around idly at desks. Peaches, the slutty singer was there just being disgusting. My doctor wanted to teach a class on manners, so she started playing a film for the class. There was a monologue that the students were to learn to improve their manners, but my doctor had forgotten the photocopies for the follow along. She gave me her keys and I went into the locker room to get her papers. After ten minutes of going through lockers and not finding her papers, she came in to help me look. I had been looking at the wrong locker the whole time. Then all of a sudden I had to assist a veterinarian with some appointments. Apparently this one was a cockatoo. I walked towards the door and the receptionist called out to me, no it's really a cockatiel. I used to have one so taking care of it would be no trouble at all; except I had to clip it's nails, which is near impossible on a tiny bird like that. I went into the room, looked on the chart which told me the bird had a blood clot on the underside of it's foot. I went and got the vet, this was something I couldn't handle.

Lynnette 9:19 AM

Sunday, July 14

 

DREAM: Window treatments, talk to the hand

Candice and I snuck into a brand-new house to do a window treatment on a lower level bedroom. While we were toying with the screen, getting it out of the way, I saw a dollar bill folded in half blowing around in the driveway. I told Candice I had to run out and get it before we finished. She tried to stop me but I was out the door and back with the dollar before she knew it. Then the husband came home and wondered what we were doing there. I made up some bullshit, with buffering statements from Candice about how we were supposed to do some remodling, but had forgotten our equipment. He bought it and went in to watch football on the boob tube. Candice and I sat in the kitchen and whispered about what we were going to do; do we stay and finish the window or do we bolt? While we were debating the wife came home, and was more suspicious than the husband. We gave her the same song and dance we had given the husband, but she wanted to write down our ID numbers, just in case. Then as she walked us out to our car she read candice's ID in the (comments) field: cease to give in to our oppressors, talk to the hand.



found myself in some else's house, in the bathroom, invisible walls, tried to flush the toilet, ended up turning on shower and masturbating; bunch of people watching a red football game, i thought maybe they could see me, but then i got up and locked the door. i could still see people walking in the hallway through the door.

Lynnette 11:05 AM

Friday, July 12

 

Guess what I did at work today? I looked up the average size of a booger,
side effects from birth control pills, and whether or not the KKK has an
"official" site. Then I listened to The Eminem Show while I played around
with the icons and sound events from my new Van Gogh desktop theme. Ohyeah,
and Amelie comes out on DVD July 16th.

Lynnette 3:49 PM

 

DREAM: Murder, Mayhem, Haunted buildings

I dreamt I was moving into an apartment, a small room at the top of a building that seemed crowded, like a college dorm. I had all my stuff in a duffle bag, and walked up the stairs. In the hallway were people hooping and hollering and shit. I got to the top room and realized that it was a haven for murders and wiccans. There was a grandma there and her grandson was trying to kill her. He was invisible and he was aiming a flaming bowling ball at her head. He was hovering around the ceiling, he was dead, invisible, so she couldn't get out of the way. The skull cracking freaked me out and I decided to not move in there. This is what I get for watching the end of American Beauty while I was sick yesterday. Blood and gore leads to fucked dreams. Yay.

Lynnette 10:02 AM

Thursday, July 11

 

DREAM: Full Circle...

I dreamt I was reading my blog, and reading a dream that I had posted for Candice. Actually I had this dream about a week ago, but it sort of freaks me out that there is such a completeness to it all.

Lynnette 7:31 AM

Wednesday, July 10

 

Did you know that the Marx Brothers were really brothers? Five of them actually: Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo, and Gummo who was never in films. Zeppo, the youngest, appeared in the first fiew films and then became their manager. In the 1940s he invested in a new agricultural trend in Florida: oranges. He eventually made a fortune.

The Three Stooges were not brothers, and are not funny.

Top picture (L to R): Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo
Bottom picture (L to R): Zeppo, Harpo, Chico, Groucho

Lynnette 8:53 AM

 

My supervisor is a cunt.

Lynnette 8:50 AM

 

DREAM: Havelock, Old House, Visitors (not that kind)

I dreamt I was walking around Havelock, except it was enclosed, and all the streets, which were all brick, were painted white. I was walking around looking at all the merchandise lined up along the sides of the roads but found it difficult to walk considering the roads were steep, and the new white paint made them slick. The walls were white and the atmosphere was bright, cheery. A woman didn't know where the manager was, and thinking I worked there, she asked me. I directed her towards the front counter and went on shopping. I found two bunches of grapes and went out the backdoor; shoplifted if you will.

Then I was living in this old house with Bill Patterson, a house which had 3 or 4 bedrooms on the first level alone. We were looking for a quiet place to sleep. One room was too close to the alley, and scary people lived above us, apartment-style. The other bedroom was near the air conditioner and would be nice and cool in the summer. All the while we have guests in our living room out front. Amy, her friend Dana, Candice and some other boy probably Chris O. We told our guests we were going out for dinner, since they had already eaten. We ended up at a sort of side of the road, shack of a restaurant, that served its foods New York style: over the counter, onto the street. It was all seafood/pasta. The pasta was mixed in with fish heads and fish carcasses, and the pasta shells were actually sea urchins, crabs, and other strange sea delights. A car pulled up and a girl got out with a naked (shell-less) lobster) and complained that it was missing a leg. The apathetic employee said something to the effect of, yeah so, and the girl huffed off with her lobster missing one leg.

Lynnette 8:23 AM

Tuesday, July 9

 

CANDICE'S DREAM

I slept good and hard. Exceptin for the dreams. First I dreamt that I was staying at someone's house.. and I have no idea who it was, it was like a combo between my sister in law and Amy and their husband. And it was some sort of house where everyone just crashed ,cuz I was sleeping on the floor with all these other kids. Then there was some sort of fight going on cuz one of the guys got into the homeowners gummy worm stash and apparently this stuff was like gold cuz the house owner began shooting people. I wasnt one of them but I remember I must have wanted some of those gummy worms because the last moment of the dream was me on my knees with my hands in the air holding a giant ball of gummy worms making them bounce like a yoyo to make the guy with a gun laugh so he wouldnt shoot me. So then I was living in a small white house on 27th and Vine street and I think I was older because I had two boys about 10 and 8, not that Im not old enough to have kids that age, but regardless I was in my 30's. I was on the porch with my eldest brother Daniel and my boys were riding their skateboards on the side street. (this is one of those rare dreams where I wasnt trying to a)abort or b)abandon my children sort of like flour sack baby) so all is well-oh yeah Vine street was a river actually that people drove cars on. I look to my right and I see these 4 guys of various ethnicities in their midteens riding down the river/street on some kind of a boat thing that they use to get around the swamps like the Crocodile Hunter would use. And they all have these Ball brand canning jars-the large kind like you used for stewed tomatos- and are whooping and a hollerin and I start getting scared and yell for my kids to get off the street, well sure enough my boys dont listen to me and the boat thing crashes into the house next door by my kids and the teenagers with the jars open the lids and release something into the river where my kids are now standing(it was shallow see) and I start screaming "WHAT THE F***IS IN THOSE JARS???!!" and I was thinking terrorism and small pox and anthrax and they say "Blood" and that was worse and I run down to where theyre at and drag my boys to the grass away from the water and I start screaming bloody murder and trying to kill these teens with the rage that I can only imagine is what one feels when their offspring is threatened. Then Daniel, the great peacemaker of a brother, comes over and trys to calm me down and asks the kids why they were spreading tainted blood and they start spitting blood -which at this time I somehow knew was laced with aids AND anthrax- in his face and he's being all calm and then I start going ballistic again. I woke up then.

Lynnette 8:51 AM

 

I feel ill.

Lynnette 7:31 AM

Monday, July 8

 

Express your love/hate for music. I did:
1] makes you want to dance: New Order-Blue Monday, Pet Shop Boys
2] makes you happy: Pixies
3] reminds you of an ex-lover: Luna-Slash Your Tires
4] reminds you of an ex-friend: Elbow-Asleep in the Back
5] describes your relationship with your parents: uh, what?
6] makes you cry: Nick Drake
7] makes you laugh: Ween-Pollo Asado, Bloodhound Gang-Boom(feat. Vanilla Ice)
8] makes you ponder life: Galaxie 500-Don't Let Our Youth Go To Waste
9] says a lot about you: Vanilla Ice-Ice Ice Baby
10] reminds you of the one you want: Smog-To Be Of Use
11] you wish you wrote: Stereolab-Jenny Ondioline, anything by Smog
12] you never want to hear again: Ani Difranco. Die bitch die, please.
13] you want played at your funeral: Smog-Dress Sexy at My Funeral
14] you want to get married to: Star Wars theme song
15] makes friends think of you: Pavement-Frontwards
16] you once loved but got sick of: Pearl Jam
17] you love by a band/artist you hate: (insert blank stare)
18] you sheepishly admit to liking: Britney Spears-Baby, One More Time
19] makes you want to mosh: Soul Asylum-Somebody to Shove, Primus-Johnny Was a Racecar Driver
20] you'd do anything to see played live: anything by Blur, Blur, Blur, Blur, Blur, Blur, Blur, Blur
21] reminds you of your childhood: Willie Nelson, Urban Cowboy soundtrack
22] sums up your teenage years: Beastie Boys-Paul's Boutique
23] most people like but you hate: PJ Harvey
24] you love the lyrics of: Bill Callahan
25] you used to hate but now love: Eminem
26] is best played in the car: Vanilla Ice-Ice Ice Baby, Frank Black-Los Angeles
27] you like to fall asleep to: Sundays-Static & Silence, A-Camp
28] you like to wake up to: Pavement-Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain
29] you like out of your parents record collection: I already own their collection. Muhahahaaa!
30] you love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend: Air
31] makes you think of someone who died: Archies-Sugar Sugar
32] you love the video more than the tune: Orbital-The Box
33] reminds you of your first crush: Bangles-Eternal Flame
34] is good to listen to whilst holding hands: Smog
35] you love which is from your favourite movie: Jean Ferrat-Ma môme (from film Vivre Sa Vie)
36] makes you think of the moon: Nick Drake-Pink Moon
37] makes you think of stars: Smog-Teenage Spaceship
38] makes you think of the sun: Stevie Wonder-You Are the Sunshine of My Life
39] makes you think of the night: Neil Finn-Wherever You Are
40] makes you think of sex: The Nylons-Kiss Him Goodbye (na na na na hey hey hey goodbye), Trans Am-Polizei (Zu Spät)
41] makes you think of being alone: Sentridoh-Shrimper cassettes
42] makes you smile: Stereolab-Crest
43] you love to hear at clubs: New Order-Blue Monday
44] is not your "typical type" of style but you love anyway: Mustard Plug-Art Show
45] reminds you of your best mate: Styx-Sail Away
46] reminds you of your siblings: Beastie Boys-Paul's Boutique
47] reminds you of the one you want but can't have: I have the one I want, so this question is moot.
48] you can sing really well: Webb Brothers-I Can't Believe You're Gone (low part, my bitch is the mezzo-soprano)
49] you love which is instrumental: Trans Am-American Kooter
50] has only been released recently but you love already: Eminem-Without Me

Lynnette 11:16 AM

 

DREAM: Sex, Ed McMahon, Book of inventions

I dreamt about sex a lot last night. I'm not deprived, I'm not oversexed, so why the bizarro dreams? I say it's the fucking pill. Neato. So, I dreamt Bill Patterson and myself were at a friend's house, sitting on a couch watching TV. (Shhh, TV) Something turned me on and I turned to him and said, hmm.... I'm kind of turned on, you wanna? He thought about it and said, not right now. I didn't mind, and went down the hallway to take a shower.

Later we went to a restaurant, and he got good and drunk. It was night out, and we wandered out to the courtyard, which was even darker than the outdoors, off in the shadows... or so we thought. I was going to go down on him, since we were in public, and it was convenient enough. He was naked though and we needed some sort of "cover". I went to find his bathrobe, back in the restaurant, and found the nearly the entire staff from my day job hanging out in the beer garden. I figured there was no way we were having sex now.

I took my boy into the grass field that was North of the restaurant. Not much light spilled onto the field from the streetlamps, so I figured we could hide under the bathrobe and make out there. When we got up to the top of the hill I turned around to find Ed McMahon waiting. He asked me if I was working at my night job next Friday, because he had scheduled me for a Spanish tutoring session with grade school kids. I asked what kind of lessons, structural or vocabulary. Thankfully it was the latter. I shooed Ed away and decided to take my boy elsewhere. I woke up before the end of this dream but I'm sure it ended nicely.

I was in a large white room, with high ceilings. It seemed like I was at school, or a training session for a new job. I had a book of inventions, collected from people over the years. One simple, but useless(?) invention was little shiny, foil squares on a piece of paper, that when you took a blue ballpoint pen to them, and made quick ever-concentric circles over, would catch on fire and burn. Another page in the book was the mesh from a basketball jersey. These two "inventions" plus another helped me to create a brand new style/form of shoe that somehow revolutionized the market. I remember not being amazed at the money, but rather in the fact that I had discovered something wholly my own.

Lynnette 8:52 AM

 

Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife
And when it comes your turn to speak before the crowd
Tell them about the time we did it
On the beach with fireworks above us
-smog

This was for my lover for the fourth of July, but unfortunately I couldn't publish it until now.

Lynnette 8:23 AM

Wednesday, July 3

 

I may be heading north soon, to the wonderful town of Minneapolis. What a nice change that would be to move to another city. I just realized yesterday that I had never left town. Sure I had moved around to different apartments, changing my scenery slightly. But what I crave is a new locale. I'm a big city girl, from a big city in the Northwest. It's high time I got back to one.

Lynnette 8:04 AM

 

DREAM: Nick's Place, Glitter, Trespassing

I dreamt I was at my brother's apartment, a small place. I remember being impressed at how clean it was. He had some friends over and they were all sitting around the living room smoking cigs. In the kitchen I started to go through his cupboards, checking up on him, making sure everything was cool in there. Everywhere I looked was food, which relieved me; one package being an air filled chips bag that had what looked like calamari strips in it. A sort of hydrate and cook snack, I put it back. Then in the corner, up high I saw a mechanically driven lazy susan turning freshly baked apple and blueberry turnovers, piping hot, steaming. I was proud that my brother had baked something that looked so tasty. On top of that counter were small snickerdoodle cookies on a plate and I reached for some. After eating the cookies I looked on my hand and saw red, white and blue glitter. It was then I realized the whole kitchen was decorated in streamers, glitter and flags for the fourth of July.

I left my brothers house and went to a park. There was a party being thrown by some people I knew and I thought it might be fun. Turned out it was a total flop. I remember someone asking me to make four Grenadines, and I thought it was odd they wanted a drink with just that. I asked around and found out that it was red wine and either ginger ale, 7-UP, or any spritzer. Sounded gross but I made them. Then I went walking home with a girl with long, straight hair. There were school grounds nearby, that had been situated higher than the street, so where we were walking was along the outskirts, and on a hill. The ground was drought-dry, and the grass was rough when it was at all. The two of us were talking about music when we heard a cop "whoop whoop" (the sound they make to go through intersections and such). A voice came on a megaphone and said, "You cannot barbecue on public property, blah blah blah." Across the street was a small family under a city-built awning, making Jewish soup with matzo bread. The cops made them put their food out. I watched and finished my pop and threw it over the fence into a trash barrel.

Lynnette 8:01 AM

Tuesday, July 2

 

DREAM: 3809 Happiness Dr.

I dreamt I was walking alone around some sterile, rich neighborhood. You know the type; $350,000 homes that are within 5 feet of each other, the homes look the same and so do the people. The sun was bright, but it wasn't too hot out, maybe just one of those summer days that are perfect. I remembered that a woman I used to work with lived around there but I couldn't remember the street; I would know it when I saw the name. Block after block I walked, until I came across a cul-de-sac called Happiness Dr., and I remembered her address. There were four houses on the circle and I walked up to the door of 3809 Happiness Dr. Nobody was outside, which seemed odd for such a beautiful day. I stood still for a long time outside looking at the minivan in the driveway, debating whether or not I should go inside. Finally I walked into the house looking for the front door. Instead I found myself standing in a foyer, with very high celings, and saw that four homes joined at this entryway. There were no front doors, only stairs leading up to living rooms. I could hear the woman I was looking for on the second floor, in the kitchen sitting her kids down for lunch. Their voices echoed, but mine hardly carried in the space. She heard me knocking on the wall, and came down.
Hi, do you remember me? After I asked it she seemed clueless. I told her my name, and she remembered me, a smile spreading across her face. She remembered me, and I her, but we couldn't remember where from exactly. I told her I graduated college, had a Spanish degree, and was working full time. She seemed proud.
We chatted, standing up in the living room, near the top of the stairs. I gave her my business card and said I wanted to have coffee sometime, catch up. Half-heartedly she agreed, and I left 3809 Happiness Dr.

Lynnette 9:12 AM

Monday, July 1

 

Lesson #1: No one takes you seriously when you wear a New Kids on the Block t-shirt circa 1989. Hmm.

Lynnette 10:14 AM

 

Today, this Monday alone, I like Bright Eyes. Not for his creative intellect, or poignant lyrics, but simply because he just made my boyfriend $460 on eBay. And so, here is something from my crackbaby:

Amy's DREAM

Sun, 30 Jun 2002 22:48:32 -0400
had a dream last night where i was hanging out with a bunch of russians in this empty ballroom - a few of them were people i worked with when i was at the journal back in l-town. everyone was drinking(gee, surprise.) so this one hot russian boy and i went out to buy more berry weiss(this has to be b/c it was what i was drinking last night.) anyways....we go to the liquor store, find what we're looking for, and go to pay. conor oberst is behind the counter, looking up emo bands on the internet while waiting for customers. he's all trying to be a showoff when we're at the counter, angling his computer screen so we can see what he's ordering and asking me what bands i like. the russian boy gets mad 'cuz he think's conor's hitting on me, and starts telling him off in russian. and i tell him he's being a fucking moron and noone listens to emo shit anymore anyways. unfortunately, i woke up before anyone punched him. heh.

Lynnette 8:23 AM

 

DREAM: Blur, Method Man, London

So of course, since he's on our threesome list I had wonderful dreams of Damon Albarn, lead singer of Blur. Not to sound like I'm a 16 years old, but fucking christ he's hot. I don't recall anything blatantly sexual in my dream, just a lot of us talking and me drooling. Later he invited me over to a live taping of some show with him and Method Man.

In the meantime I'm at my folk's vacation home, complete with vaulted ceilings and fireplace. Bill Patterson, my boy, is in London again, and I'm trying to call him using our calling cards. I can't figure out how to use the white cordless phone my mom gave me to call and I start to get frustrated. I look at her and say, "Why can't I figure this damned phone out? I have a PhD for christ's sake!" Then she remembers the black cordless in the other room. I get a hold of Bill Patterson and he tells me he wants me to fly out to London that weekend, Thursday, and stay for a week with him. This is wonderful but I still need to wait to see if the tickets are $50 bucks or a grand. If it's the latter I can't afford to go and I would have to wait until he got back from his trip to see him. Regardless of the outcome I pack, just to be prepared. I pack a blue dress, light blue and dark blue flip-flops, a blue skirt, a couple different shirts in different shades of blue, and a navy blue windbreaker. (Yes I have a blue obsession/fetish.)

Waiting for my love to call back I decide to go down to the recycling yard to see my dad. My brother is there bumming around so we walk around the yard, kicking cans and whatnot. J.D. (my folks dog, Just Dog) is there digging in the dirt, making messes. Then we hear a truck back up, full of unopened pop cans and recyclables. At first I look at the pile spilling from the back of the truck and think to myself, what a load of junk. Then I remember London; I can sell the pop cans and turn in the recycling for cash for my plane ticket. It's all just so perfect.

Then I walked down past the recycling yard and found the House of Blues, and I was just in time for the Blur's Damon Albarn and Method Man show. The show was basically Method Man and 5 or 6 other rappers on a couch with Damon Albarn throwing their hands in the air and waving them like they just didn't care. I didn't care either, because Damon Albarn is fucking hot.

Lynnette 8:18 AM